Chaos On Deck
by Hugomatio
Summary: A hilarious spoof of some events on-board the "Second Death Star" during Episode V. Some RP's on neopets and, maybe some background on made-ups. Absolutely hilarious, beware the mole/penguin/llama/platypus-people.
1. Part I: Chaos on Deck

**Chaos On Deck**

**A Star Wars Spoof **

**By Hugomatio (A.K.A. - Marly_Hugo35), bugsbunny7117, mara_jade_red_5, and rose101364**

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, Mara Jade, or the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed above and I did over a two day period on Neopets. Now on to the participaters...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader and the Emperor (After Bugs left and all of the second day**) (Also several minor characters such as Dr. Fragglehorn, Jerry, random Stormtroopers)

**bugsbunny7117 - Emperor Palpatine**

**mara_jade_red_5 - Mara Jade**

**rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)  
**

So, with all that stuff covered on to the story... please rate, comment, stuff like that, and cue the scrolling words of explanation...

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**STAR WARS**

**Chaos On Deck**

**It is a time of chaos aboard the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 (Several failed attempts**

**occured between A New Hope and Return Of The Jedi), shipments of**

**things that no one even order are showing up in the hanger bays everyday.**

**Wrong paint colors, gossamer, and avocados are filling various rooms of the half-finished**

**battle station as it hovers over Endor.**

**Will this madness ever stop? Well, don't ask me, I'm just random text**

**floating through space at a predetermined speed to an undetermined point**

**who happens to have John Williams and The LSO playing in the background.**

**But enough about me, on with the story.**

**To make all matters worse the Emperor has recently informed Darth Vader,**

**who happens to be Dark lord of the Sith, that he will be arriving on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843**

**very soon to oversee the completion of the station, conduct employee productivity reports, **

**keep an eye on Mr. Wilkins, and sign pay checks. What will happen when... Look a shooting star,**

**never mind it's just a shuttle, now where was I... oh, when The Emperor finally arrives on board...**

**

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Chaos On Deck  
**

Lord Vader, Sir Vader, Dr. Vader, Darth Lord Von Vaderham (He was still playing around with titles) was walking down corridor 12A59F758 as a brigade of Stormtroopers painted the walls puce. It was really quite calming to see the troopers working like this, he thought as he entered Hanger 12SHIPDOCK4. The Emperor was expected to arrive today and several Stormtroopers were practicing the dance routine for their master's arrival. Another set of Stormtroopers, the PINK Division if he wasn't mistaken, had taken to decorating the walls with streamers and stringing gossamer from TIE Fighter to TIE Fighter across the ceiling. I must say here, that The PINK Division is so named because a shipping mistake caused the new battalion's uniforms to arrive in the most beautiful shade of pink ever. Now the color of the PINK Division's uniform is not the main focal point of the Hanger. That, of course, belongs to the large sign, which happened to cover the window to the control room, that read, "WELLCOME BAK IMPERER!" "Ignorant fools," Vader muttered as he looked up at the large sign as Jerry, A.K.A.-TK-4757, waved down. His cloning tray had been contaminated by Dr. Fraglehorn's failures as a scientist and his success as a baker, but more on that later.

The Emperor sat in his waiting room with his eyes shut tight. His transport's interior had been painted neon green, and it was nothing less than blinding, he wanted to get out, but he was afraid that he'd miss the door and end up in the reactor core, an experience, he imagined, was not a lot of fun...

Mara hurried up to Darth Vader. "Will you turn this stupid thing off for me?" she asked holding out her iPod type thing(AKA ITT).

Mara, why do you insist on keeping this useless piece of Bantha fodder?," Vader replied as a sudden metallic click rang out as the iPod 's inner gizmos realigned and it sprang into happiness. Just then an earsplitting screech rang out, "THE EMPEROR IS ARRIVING, THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE LOUNGE, REMEMBER TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANK!"

The Emperor stumbled rather unceremoniously out of his ship, fighting to look dignified...and also walk in a straight line through the sea of spots that now lay before his eyes.

Mara screamed. "My secret Master is here! I'll be... uh..." she ran around a bit before hiding behind Vader.

Mr. Wilkins gazed about the hallway suspiciously from atop his Hallway Zamboni. "Where are you, Barnabus?" he muttered under his breath, turning down a narrow hallway. He should have been doing his job; but Wilkins had stopped doing his job a long time ago. All he was concerned with was finding Barnabus the Stormtrooper, and finishing him, once and for all.

Barnabus the Stormtrooper was hunting; for cinnamon buns, to be exact. After comfort eating his way through his entire secret stash, all he wanted was to retreat back to his quarters before Mr. Wilkins found him. Just as Barney entered a hanger, he heard an ear piercing shriek. "THE EMPEROR IS ARRIVING, THERE ARE COOKIES IN THE LOUNGE, REMEMBER TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO FRANK!" In the rush to the cookies that followed, Barnabus was thrown about and finally landed, straight at the emperor's feet.

The Emperor squinted down to the trooper at his feet, "Oh no..." if that really was who he believed it to be...well let's just say he didn't expect things to be moving in his favor for a while... "Hello Barnabus..."

Barnabus jumped up, grinning like an idiot, "Hello Mr. Emperor, sir!" he saluted, "You remembered me!"

"Steven, I mean Emperor," Vader said as he rushed forward, well waddled forward, the mechanical legs didn't make for good walking skills, "Welcome back, you'll find that everything is going just..." "ATTENTION IMPERIAL ASSOCIATES ON LEVEL 12 THROUGH 14, THERE MAY BE A SMALL TRIBE OF INDIGENOUS MOLE-PEOPLE THAT HAVE ESCAPED FROM THEIR HOLDING CHAMBER, BE ON THE ALgfjkg." The speaker fell in a crumpled mess on the floor before Vader, "Pay no attention to that, that's just Joe, he likes playing tricks, he thinks he's funny. We don't have Mole People on board, why, why would we d=have something so...," Vader laughed before he was cut off by the next turn of events. "RUN, RUN FROM THE MOLE PEOPLE!," screamed a Stormtrooper as he ran across the back of the hanger before he gasped and fell down the stairs, "Just Joe again."

Barnabus jumped up and down excitedly, "Look, Darthie! It's the Emp-" All of a sudden, there was a clanking noise at the end of the hanger. "BARNABUS!" yelled Mr. Wilkins, driving into the room, "I WANT A WORD WITH YOU!" Barnabus screamed like a girl and ran off, much too fast for Mr. Wilkins' Hallway Zamboni.

"Mole people! Sweet!" cried Mara jumping out from behind Darth Vader

The Emperor watched him go, his vision finally beginning to clear..."Vader...What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing, everything is absolutely fi...," Vader said before a loud scream rent the air and a stampede of Stormtroopers and an Ewok rushed by, followed closely by what can only be described as "mole-people." "TK-345?," Vader asked a Stormtrooper nearby who's plastic visor eyes had grown three sizes, "Hunt them down and sweep the bodies under the rug in the foyer."

"WOO! Mole people!" Mara screamed jumping on one. "Can I keep it?"

The Emperor tilted his head at her, "No you can't KEEP IT! Are you NUTS! It will EAT YOU!"

Mara hugged the mole person. "George Harrison won't eat me." she stared at the Emperor.

Mr. Wilkins, meanwhile, had gone to hunt Barnabus elsewhere on the Death Star; unbeknownst to him, Barnabus had taken refuge behind a nearby crate. "Is he gone?" whispered the Stormtrooper, peering over the large box.

The Emperor stared at her with blatant disapproval, "He was just chasing fifty people, most likely with the intent to eat them, or in the very least maim them."

"Now, now Ste..my Master, I think it would be a great first pet," Vader said, "Remember when you gave me a Wampa for my birthday? It taught me valuable skills, and now I own an entire battalion. Granted that 80% of them die in every Battle and I have been reduced to Gary and Kirk, but assures me he'll have more next week," he then looked up, just in time, to catch Jerry clinging for dear life on the far right corner of the sign as it slowly peeled from the wall, Goose Tape was not the Empire's best investment.

(For those readers unfamiliar with Goose Tape it is the generic form of Duct Tape created for this RP)

The Emperor sighed at last..."All right, but if it bites me I'm zapping it!"

"Thank you!" Mara put a leash on the mole person, "Good Georgie. Now play me a song." The mole person started playing yellow Submarine on a yellow guitar.

"That's exactly what you said about Wampalopolus, he's gone now, but that's besides the point, I'm sure there are a lot of creature's who can't live through a large amount of Force lightning being pumped through their body," Vader replied as the Goose Tape slowly began to peel from the large metal walls.

Palpatine watched Jerry, "Shouldn't someone catch him?"

"No, no, he's fine, Barnabus is hiding in the boxes below him, I'm sure he'll break the fall," Vader said, "Now, now, you'll find that we've made a lot of changes since the last twelve failures, the entire cell-block is now equipped with files and bacon to keep prisoners appeased, the kitchen has industrial mixers, the ballroom's chandelier is firmly in place, and we have added a nice little guardrail around that massive gaping hole around the main reactor in your throne room."

At this Barnabus screamed and jumped out of the way, "I just wanted cinnamon buns!" he said, "Not to used by Jerry as a landing surface!"

"BARNABUS! Get back in that crate!," Vader yelled, "Do you want Jerry to die?" He then turned to the Emperor, "It's so hard to make good clones these days."

The Emperor nodded knowingly, "'Tis true, 'tis true"

Barnabus crossed his arms, "And what if I want Jerry to die? He yelled at me for pushing a button." Barnabus spun himself around and stuck his tongue out at Jerry.

"You are soooo right by that Master." agreed Mara. She was willing to say anything as long as she got to keep George.

"I blame Dr. Fragglehorn, I mean who bakes a cake in a clone pod and then starts making clones in it immediately afterward, I mean come on Dr.," Vader said as another stampede of troopers and a Wampa ran by followed by more Mole-People, "Can we assume that TK-345 is dead?"

Barnabus shrugged, before a whirring sound rang out from outside the door, and the Stormtrooper shrieked, diving back behind the crate.

"I would bet on that," Emperor Palpatine said as he watched Jerry slowly edge to the ground. "Barnabus, Jeffrey was the one who told you not to touch the button, Jerry here can't even be allowed of his cell on a normal day, too many broken things Master you understand," Vader answered the Stormtrooper.

Mara looked confused. "Why is he out of his cage anyways? I zoned out." Mara smiled and petted George.

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea to get him out for a while, you know human interaction, I was wrong, and TK-759 put him in charge of the sign... Things went a little hazy after the marker shattered my left eye visor; we sent in the PINK Division and they managed to calm him down while I changed helmets," Vader replied.

"I never trusted that TK-what's his face..." muttered Mara. Then her body went rigid as she HAD A VISION(SPOOOOOOOKY!)

"Yes me either, always kind of shifty, I do hope the Mole People eat him..." Vader said as the Sith went rigid. "My very young apprentice, what do you see," The Emperor said. "She sees the Hanger and Jerry hanging to the sign for dear life, stupid," Vader mocked. A hand met his head then and he stepped back, falling silent.

Mara turned to her master. "There's a rebel on board and he's kinda..." she whispered as her eyes took on a dreamlike state.

"He's kind of what?," the Emperor yelled as Jerry finally peeled off of the wall and tumbled towards the faux earth, "There goes Jerry." "I GOT HIM!," Vader screamed as he ran forward at an extremely fast pace, missing the area of landing completely and crashing into the wall as Jerry fell in a crumpled mess atop a crate of cinnamon buns, "I do hope he's o.k.," muttered the Emperor.

"Cute!" Mara started giggling like a maniac.

"Oh, MARA'S GOT A CRUSH!," The Emperor sang as he started to skip arround her before tripping on the extremely long cloak, "OMPF," he mumbled as he hit the purple tiled floor. "ATTENTION! MARA JADE HAS A CRUSH ON A REBEL SPY THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE ON BOARD THE SHIP AT THIS TIME! PLEASE REMAIN ALERT! ALSO, THE MOLE-PEOPLE ARE STILL LOOSE, DO NOT WEAR CLOTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE HAM!," rang the P.A.

Mara screamed. "Dont touch Luke!" she growled and her eyes flashed red for a moment.

"LUKE!" "LUKE!" "LUKE!," seemed to ring out on every level of the ship. "Skywalker?," the Emperor ventured from his position in the tangled mass on the floor whilst Vader babbled incoherently as he lay face up in front of the wall. "Mole, mole-people, WAMPALOPULUS!," he muttered as the Mole-people raced across the walkway overlooking the right side of the hanger with Stormtroopers in pursuit.

"Yea! That's him! Maybe I can steal him!" Mara yelled happily petting George.

"You most certainly can not!," The Emperor said, " I am not having him here for Father/Son Day until he is a hundred and three percent Sith, or three quarters, whichever comes first." Vader slowly stood up only to be bowled over again by a stampede of Stormtroopers followed by Mole-people carrying pizza cutters, apparently the rolls had changed somewhere between point A and point B.

Meanwhile, Barnabus had found a sticky, old cinnamon bun in a dusty corner of the crate, "Hey, Palpy!" he called, mouthful of cinnamon-y goodness, "You didn't tell me that we used to export cinnamon buns!"

Mr. Wilkins had gotten off his Zamboni and was curretnly rolling around the floor, gasping and screaming. Not that anyone noticed.

"But Master! If destiny comes to destiny you'll die and our nephew will become a Sith anyways! Lemme steal him! The Rebels won't care!" Mara petted George some more who barked once and lay down.

"Those? Oh, they're left over from the Battle of Cinnamon Buns Over Bespin, there was a slight mis-communication," Emperor Palpatine said as he placed his hand to his temples pulling back as he accidentally shocked himself, "Sinister Device Bombs, apparently translates into Cinnamon Buns."

"Th...Th... THAT'S NOT THE POINT!," Palpatine said to Mara, "WAIT! Destiny coming to destiny?" That makes no sense what so ever. If it's destiny then it already is destiny it can't come to destiny."

"Erm... Master... Mr. Wilkins is" Mara stared at the janitor in his throws of obvious neglect.

"I'm sure he's fine, he's a professional," Vader said as he stood up, "A professional of what, has yet to be decided."

"You mean... I'll never be able to talk to Luke..." Mara started sobbing.

"NO, it must never be, otherwise everything will go horribly awry and the world will spiral into darkness!," Vader exclaimed as raced out of the room, "See, professional, he's perfectly fine." "ATTENTION! THE MOLE-PEOPLE HAVE FOUND THE ROOM OF AVOCADOS! PLEASE HIDE YOUR CHILDREN AND GATHER YOUR PLUM SHOOTERS! THAT IS ALL!"

Mara stared at him, "You mean the books I read LIED?" Mara started crying more," I want an avacodo!" she kept sobbing.

"Yes, my dear Mara that is called fiction, it is not real and it never will be," The Emperor said as the Mole-People raced onto the ledge along the right side of the hanger, Stormtroopers racing along the ledge on the left. "Isn't this entire story fiction?," Vader asked his master. "Sssh," the Emperor replied as the two armies fired their first shots. Avocados went flying in all directions.

Barnabus poked his head out from the crate, "Hey Palpy? Where'd the Mole-people come from?" Suddenly, an avacado hit Barney right in the face, "GWA!" he exclaimed, falling backwards, "I HATE avacados!"

"I'm not really sure..." the Emperor said as an avocado stopped dead three inches from his face and fell to the floor." Just then a doctor came running out from a large bay door, "MY BEAUTIFUL MOLE-PEOPLE!," he exclaimed throwing his hands in the air. "Dr. Fragglehorn?," Vader asked. "Yes, their my creation, I made them!" Just then several avocados hit him in the face and he fell.

"I need you Luke! I will find you soon!" she punched the Emperor in the nose and stood her ground. She stared at something behind him and smiled.

Barnabus jumped up, excited to see his creator, "HI, DAD!" he yelled, just as another avocado him square on the forehead.

"What was that Mar...," The Emperor said before he crumpled to the ground in a heap of mauve robes, "Owwwwwww" "My Master!," Vader said turning around to face Mara, he then followed her eyes, "Oh sh...," an avocado flew and hit him smack dab in the helmet causing him to stumble backwards. "I'm all right, just a minor bruise," he said at the same time the Emperor and Dr. Fraglehorn did.

**FADE TO BLACK**

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**

What an exciting ending. keep tuned to see if more stories aboard the Death Star occur.

Maybe you'll get answers to questions like: Did they survive? What happened to the Mole-People? Who is Dr. Fragglehorn? Will the PINK Division finally end this madness? and others.

Remember to read, rate, and comment. **  
**


	2. Part II: The Teal Star

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part II...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, Mara Jade, or the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on , a few days ago and is technically a continuation of Part I. Now on to the participaters...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader** (Also several minor characters such as Sam, random Stormtroopers)

**bugsbunny7117 - Emperor Palpatine**

**mara_jade_red_5 - Mara Jade**

**rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)  
**

So, with all that stuff covered on to the story... please rate, comment, stuff like that... and above all enjoy...

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Several months had passed since the "Mole-People Incident" and all had become calm on the Deathg Star Vr. 78.2843 in the waning weeks after the mole people had been captured and returned promptly to their cells. Only a few major fails had occurred since the apprehension of Dr. Fraglehorn for "Scientific Misconduct And Blatant Disregard For Genetics And Their Affects On Offspring". Most notable of these was 's escape by creating the Platypus-People who had broken their master free from his cell before all of them had been captured and put in Maximum Security (A.K.A. - Cryogenics Labs 12-15) to prevent further misconduct until their fate could be decided. Thee escapees has been ascertained before they could reach the preexisting mole-people in their apparently easily escapable cell. The next major event was the PINK Division's presentation of awards for "Outstanding Actions In A Crisis That Could Easily Have Killed Us All" which eventually led to their upgrade to the PUCE Squad. Lastly the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 had received a very botched up shipment of teal paint which had filled up an entire room of the battle station. But, enough about what has happened, on to what is happening...

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Darth Vader sat aboard a golf cart as he lead the tour of the lower levels of the Teal Star, nicknamed to commemorate the new color due to a surplus of teal paint, "On your left, through those super, industrial strength, laser proof glass windows you'll see the main reactor, many Stormtroopers have fallen victim to the..." "PAGING SIR DARK LORD VADER TO THE THRONE ROOM, THERE'S BEEN A BREACH IN THE MOLE-PEOPLE CELL, PLEASE ARRIVE FA... SORRY, I DROPPED THE MIC, HURRY!," announced Samuel over the mic, as the golf cart jolted to a stop. "Excuse me, urgent Empire business to attend to; must go, remain cal..." "ATTENTION! THE MOLE-PEOPLE ARE DEFIANTLY LOOSE ON-BOARD THE STATION! PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEAREST ANTI-MOLE-PEOPLE FACILITY OR THE CHEESE ROOM! IT IS A NATURAL FACT THAT MOLE-PEOPLE HATE CHEESE! THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DAY!" Vader turned in horror to see the tour group stampede towards him, he raced off down the hall towards the elevator, and jumped inside. He pressed the appropriate button and laughed manically to himself as he went in search of the Emperor.

A very angry Mr. Wilkins stalked about the Teal Star, pushing his janitor's cart, "Stupid mole-people." he grumbled, sounding startlingly like Mara, "Why the heck do I have to clean up after them?" "Well, you are the janitor," said Barnabus brightly, popping out of the cart. Mr Wilkins groaned, "Barnabus, what are you doing in my cart?" The Stormtrooper shrugged, "I felt really bad about the whole 'blowing up your zamboni to get away from the mole-people' thing, so I decided to follow you around all day and help you!" "Do me a favor, Barnabus," muttered the old man, "Don't..." Barney pouted, "But, I won't push the big red button again! I promise!" he started to sob. "OH MY WINDEX, IF I LET YOU COME WITH ME, WILL YOU STOP WITH THE TEARS?" roared the janitor, trying his best to sound scary. Apparently, he failed miserably, as Barney squealed and jumped back into the janitor's cart. "I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" Wilkins asked himself, setting off down the hallway again.

The Emperor paced across his throne room shaking his head, "ANOTHER mole-people outbreak? I TOLD them to double lock those bars, but NO! NO ONE listens to the Emperor!" That didn't even make SENSE there was NO ONE above him! He sighed and saw his apprentice coming towards him, hopefully with some sort of pleasant news.

"Sir I have unpleasant news," Vader said as he got closer, "The mole-people have escaped, and have freed the platypus-people from their cryostasis as well" "ATTENTION! THE PLATYPUS-PEOPLE HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM THEIR CRYOSTASIS BY THE MOLE-PEOPLE! HIDE YOUR CHILDS, SORRY CHILDREN, YOUR COOKIES, AND ANY CHIHUAHUAS YOU MIGHT POSSESS! THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DEMISE AND A WONDERFUL CHASE SCENE"

"THEY WHAT?" Palpatine nearly had a heart attack, "Good FORCE MAN! We've GOT to get them and Dr. Whatever OFF the Teal Star!" He was frantic, practically ready to run around in circles screaming, but no, he had to keep his whit's and appearance about him.

"I agree, as soon as this crisis is abated we must eject them into the deepest reaches of space," Vader said as he starred off into the core where several terrified people ran from Mole-people around the concourses that circled the reactor's glass shield.

"But how are we going to do it? I mean They're RABID!," the Emperor queried.

'Hmm, an intriguing question my master," Vader said as the P.A. seemed blared, "ATTENTION! TK-34353954957*&^453$%#$%^ HAS MANAGED TO FIND A WAY TO DESTROY THE MOLE-PEOPLE! CHEDDAR COOKIES OF DOOM! THANK YOU, THAT IS ALL!" "THAT'S IT!," Vader exclaimed as he started to waddle off towards the kitchens, "Follow me, there's a shipment of cheddar cookies that just arrived!"

The Ancient Sith Lord hobbled after his apprentice towards the kitchen, he didn't' know where the cookies would be, so he followed along for now.

"AH,HELP THE MOLE-PEOPLE THEIR AFTER M...," screamed a Stormtrooper as he rushed across the hall followed by the accused mole-people and severe screaming. "Just through this door," Vader said, taking no mind to the deceased trooper, "And **BAM**! Cheddar cookie storage."

The Emporer hobbled into the room and began grabbing as many boxes as he could carry, "HURRY MAN!" he stopped and had an after thought "...Just don't kill the one with the collar, that one's Maras pet."

"George Harrison?," Vader inquired as he loaded a cart down with the cookies. Suddenly the sound of thousands of paws shuffling and hundreds of tiny clasps being snapped informed them that the army of mole-people had put collars on themselves.

Palpatine could only stare... they ALL wore red collars now... He turned his head and stared blanlkly at his apprentice as if to say, 'Now what?'

"Call them by name?," Vader ventured as he loaded the Cookie Cannon conveniently located aboard the cart.

Pal-patine tried it, "GEORGE HARRISON!" The entire Army stepped forward, sniffing innocently and attempting to look cute...Palpatine was agian at a lose and his shoulders fell, laden with dispair.

"Darn, thought that would work for sure, hmm...," Vader stood for a second running a hand down his non-existent chin, "Perhaps..." "ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! AN OVERLY LARGE AND SEVERELY CUDDLY MOLE-PERSON HAS TURNED UP AT THE COMMAND CENTER WITH TAGS READING GEORGE HARRISON, THANK YOU!" The mole-people exchanged looks of sheer terror as Vader readied the cannon.

Palpative cackled and began loading his own cannon, "On my mark" he said menecingly. "One...Two..."

"Twelve, sixteen," Vader said, "My research shows they're extremely good at counting." "EIGHTEEN, TWENTY-ONE, TWELVE HUNDRED AND FOUR," pitched in Sam over the P.A. as the mole people did mental math.

"THREE!" Said Palpatine cutting down a group in the front of the mass, catching them with his surprise counting skills.

Mara, who hadgone unnoticed until now was eating the last peice of bologna on the ship. It was yummy and moldy. "Georgie!" one mole person stepped out to stand at her side. "good boy."

"FIRE!" Vader said as the cannon fired and the entire front row fell. He turned to face the Emperor, a Rambo Headband suddenly gracing the brow of his helmet, "I think we got them this time Master." "ATTENTION! REMEMBER THOSE PLATYPUS-PEOPLE I TOLD YOU ABOUT EARLIER? YOU DON'T? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS ONLY LIKE TEN MINUTES AGO, I MEAN... WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE... OH YEAH! THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO THE KITCHENS AS WE SPEAK, WELL AS YOU LISTEN, WELL... THANK YOU, BYE!"

Palpatine stared up at the nearest speaker, "REALLY!" he cried in frusteration. He turned to Vader, "you handle these guys," he stopped dramatically and pulled his cowel low over his eyes with a mischevious grin, "I'll handle the Platypuses" And with that he rushed off in the other dirrection from the mole-peoples.

Mara followed the Emperor, "Can I have one of those too?"

"Huh?, the Emperor stopped in the middle of this dramatic dash, almost glaring at his apprentice for breaking his moment, "Have one of WHAT?"

"The platypus people. Georgie wants a friend" she nibbled on her moldy bologna.

Palpatine's eye twitched...but he eventually gave in, "Fine, but you're ruining my moment, Join it or get!" The Emperor was a dramatic man

"YAY! Lead me to Paul!," she yelled and nibbled more on her moldy bologna. It was endless!

"I BELIEVE IT'S PLATYPI!," Vader called after his master as he reloaded the cannon for the last three mole-people, "Say nighty-night!" "NIGHTY-NIGHT!," rang Sam on the P.A. enthusiastically, "OH, IN OTHER NEWS... THE SALSA-OFF, WE MEAN THE FOOD HERE GUYS, WILL BE HELD THIS SATURDAY IN THE GRAND HALL! THE CHILIPALOOZA COOK-OFF EXTREME WILL BE HELD NEXT SATURDAY AT 3:00 IN THE MAIN LOBBY! WHICH BRINGS UP THE QUESTION OF WHERE OUR MAIN LOBBY IS! BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! ALSO TO THE OWNER OF THE PURPLE SHUTTLE, YOU LEFT YOUR SPACE LIGHTS ON! THANK YOU!"

The Emperor lead her forward onward on their dramatic dash finally leanding them in front of the army of platypus-people he drew his saber and signaled his apprentice to do the same, "Let's Do this!"

"ONE LAST ANNOUNCEMENT... RECENT STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT THE ONLY EFFECTIVE WAY OF DESTROYING PLATYPUS-PEOPLE IS TO THROW GUACAMOLE AT THEM FORCEFULLY, THEY ARE IMPERVIOUS TO LIGHTSABERS AND BACON! THANK YOU, THAT IS ALL!," said Sam.

Vader fired on the mole-people and destroyed them before racing off to find the Emperor.

Mara lit her lightsaber but it squirted water instead. "Wrong one!" she apologized as she activated her real lightsaber and jumped on a platypus-person. "Hi Paul!" she put a collar on Paul and led him to George.

Palpatine leapt at them fiercely, swinging the saber back and forth... only, of course, to find that they had natural energy shields about them, "WHAT!"

"MASTER, MASTER, Sam says we need guacamole and lots of it!," Vader hollered across the room as he ran in. "THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID AT ALL! I SAID THAT GUACAMOLE WAS THE ONLY THING THAT COULD DESTROY THEM AND THAT BACON AND LIGHTSABERS HAVE NO EFFECT, PFFT!," retorted the speakers.

Palpatine was shocked, but he was now in the middle of the crowd, and suddenly was dragged underneath. "HEEELPP!" he screamed, one arm reaching up above him as he was swallowed by the mass of platypi.

Vader ran forward grabbing the guacamole and chips on the way and begun dipping the chips in the guacamole before throwing them like ninja stars at the platypi who fell beneath the amazing power of the CHIP! He reached the Emperor and tossed the guacamole at him as he raced out of the throng, "Put that on and run!"

Palpatine managed to turn over the bowl and dump the guacamole over himself, freeing himself from the platypi. "HA!" He cried and began tossing it at the platypi wildly.

Vader ran over to the wall and shattered a large glass box, labeled "IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES BREAK GLASS", and shattered the glass before pulling the lever inside and laughing manically as a large Guacamole Cannon dropped down from the ceiling and he took it and begun to fire the guacamole at the platypi.

Moments later the group of Imperial Associates stood in a room covered in guacamole and defeated platypi. Everything was calm, or was it?...

* * *

Well, That's it for Part II, hope you enjoyed.

Did you get some of your questions answered? If not stay tuned for more installments.

Please comment if there are any specific things or characters you wish to see in future installments and make sure to rate.

I might make the next one the story of Dr. Fraglehorn if we don't have a good RP soon. Maybe...

REMEMBER, rate and comment...


	3. Part III: Burn, Baby Burn

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part II...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Charlie Brown. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on , a few days ago and is technically a continuation of Part I. Now on to the participaters...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Sam, Frank, Josie, Other Extras**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef  
**

**mara_jade_red_5 - Briar  
**

**rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)  
**

This installment is extra special because it has a cliffhanger and will be coming in two parts. Also, we're working on another plot which will be up as soon as possible which is the first off Death Star RP yet, it will be occurring on (SPOILER) Ya... Nope, no spoilers, you'll have to find out for yourself...

Well, you know what to do, enjoy the story and please rate and comment...

* * *

It was a beautiful day on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843, which now coasted over the bogs of Endor in it's 34/67 finished condition. Now as everyone knows, Tech Support is one of the most crucial things in the universe, it is no different for the Empire. Day after Day, bright young Stormtroopers wake up and go to work in the Tech Support Deck. Here they help other, seemingly useless, Stormtroopers learn how to properly use the technology they are exposed to everyday in this new age. Today's story follows the lives of these young troopers and the lives they affect...

* * *

Samuel, (A.K.A. - TK-2449) walked into the Tech Support Deck on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 and took his seat at the long line of telephones and hologram projector's. Placing his bag on the table he removed two things, an Extra Large Super Mocha Chocolate Whipped Cappuccino Deluxe and his copy of "Chart-Topping Elevator and Hold Music of the 2060's and 70's" which he promptly placed in the disc tray before putting on his headphones and activating his line, "Hello, Imperial Tech Support, my name is Sam, might I ask your affiliation and problem? Also, what' your favorite type of pie?..." there was no response, but some deep mechanical breathing followed by laughter and the sound of a phone be slammed back onto it's holder. "How rude," Sam exclaimed as he took another call.

Briar hurried into the tech support room and took her place at the biggest desk on the tallest platform. "Attention people! As the youngest person ever to rule the Tech Support Deck I would like to say that I hate Luke Skywalker. Thank you, " she exclaimed before she sat down.

* * *

The Chef ducked as another pan nearly hit him in the head, he quickly dialed the phone, "Hello Tech support!"

* * *

"You got me." said Briar lazily into the phone.

"Hello, Imperial/Rebel Tech Support. How might help you today?," Sam answered the phone as he pushed several buttons that he had no idea what they did. Suddenly a loud alarm blared and a voice over the P.A. announced the following, "ATTENTION, SAM'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW, COMMUNITY SERVICE OR SOMETHING, BUT BE ADVISED THAT THE ENTIRE SUPPLY OF GUAVAS HAS BEEN EVACUATED, THANK YOU." "Yes, is your refrigerator running?," a crackly, aged voice said on the other end. "Emperor Palpatine?," Sam asked. "NO!," the voice replied before Sam was forcefully shocked and the dial tone picked up.

* * *

The Chef went right to the point, "MY OVEN JUST EXPLODED WE NEED HELP!"

* * *

"Have you tried the new raccoon flavored soda in the basement? I hear it's refreshing." replied Briar.

* * *

The Chef was flabbergasted enough as it was, "SODA POP? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING! MY OVEN EXPLODED, IT'S ON FIRE AND DUE TO CUTBACKS WE DON'T HAVE AN EXTINGUISHER!"

* * *

"RING, RING, Imperial Tech Sup...," Samuel answered the phone before stopping when he heard the familiar mechanical breathing of Lord Vader, "Lord Vader, so nice to hear from you." "Samuel? Why is my entire collection of guavas shaped like Nabooian Queens floating off into the vast blackness that is space?" "Um... Did you get the cookies I sent?," Samuel said before the phone clicked and the man beside him, let's call him Jim, choked slightly before falling out of his seat. The empty seat was filled instantly by Phil as Jim disappeared into "THE TUBE OF DEMISE!" Sam blinked before answering another call, "Imperial Tech Support?" "Did I just Force-Choke you?" "Yes...," Sam answered his Dark Lord. "Gooood, click."

* * *

The Chef stood silent as he waited for a reply... "Hello? HELLO! GAH!" he slammed the phone down and dialed it again, hoping to get someone else this time.

* * *

"Hello, Imperial/Rebel Tech support, how may I help you?," Sam answered the Chef's call, "My name is Sam, what's your favorite pie and if you could please fill out the survey being printed on your phone right now, we'll get back to you as soon as possible, please hold..."

* * *

Silently the chef thanked heaven above, Sam was good, Sam knew what he was- wait what? "NO NO SAM! NO I CAN'T HOLD! My Oven is BURNING! FLAMES ARE DEVOURING MY KITCHEN!"

* * *

"Well Chef, I'm not in charge of that department, if you'll please hold I'll connect you to Frank, he'll tell you everything you need to know...," Sam replied as he pushed a button and the hold music flooded the Chef's phone before another trooper picked up the line. "Hello, Imperial Fire and Water Department of Support, how may I help you?"

* * *

"MY KITCHEN'S ON FIRE and I- OH NO! NOT MAX!," The chef set down the phone and rushed to the youngest kitchen staff member, "Max! Max! SPEAK to me man!

He rushed back to the phone, "And also send the doctor!"

* * *

"O.k., I'm sending down Fire Control, they'll put out your fire, can you please give me your location before I connect you to Josie at the Department of 9-1-1?," Frank said as he turned slightly to the right to a large horn shaped device and pushed a button, "FIRE CONTROL TO THE...WELL WAIT JUST A MOMENT..." "What was your location again?," he asked the Chef.

* * *

"The kitchen! There's only one! Right next to the cafeteria, can't miss it!" The Chef was in a panic, he'd pulled Max away form the fire, but the flames were still creeping in around them, and the kitchen staff were growing progressively closer and more claustrophobic.

* * *

Briar sighed as she heard sirens. "Don't they know they can just turn off something?" yelled Briar.

"O.k. sir, yelling will help nothing, please remain calm and I'll patch you through to Josie," Frank said as a slight beep rang out before Josie picked up the phone. "HOWDY! Name's Josie Fiddleglump, how might I be of service to ya?"  
Meanwhile, Fire Control raced through the halls towards the kitchen. Suddenly they stopped, this was the eighth room they tried it better be right...

* * *

The Chef tried to calm himself, he was right yelling wouldn't help, it would only add to the panic, "You're right I'm sorry," h said before he was suddenly on Josie's line, "we've got an injured soldier, badly burned and unconscious."

* * *

"O.k., o.k., now listen very carefully," Josie said as she pulled out a manual, "O.k., did you activate the Anti-Burn Milk Sprinklers?"

* * *

At that moment Fire Control broke through the door and watermelon juice went everywhere, "JERRY! I TOLD YOU TO HOOK UP THE WATER! NOT THE WATERMELON JUICE!" "Sorry," replied the trooper as he switched the connection on the wall and threw the switch which sent clean water rushing down the hose.

The Chef outright dropped the phone as he watched Fire Control work, he was a bit shocked, and didn't move very much, but slowly, though no one could see it, relief was creeping into the flabbergasted man.

The Fire Captain, let's call him Jonah, twirled the nozzle on his finger as the flames disappeared finally and Jerry rolled up the hose causing him to be yanked back through the door and disappear with the other members of Fire Control, "I'll be back to take photos with anyone who wants them, I HAVE A PEN FOR AUTOGRAPHS!," he called back as their golf cart hit a wall. Scattering Fire Control personel in all directions, some right into the garbage disposal.  
"Sir? Sir?," the phone asked from it's location on the floor.

The Chef, VERY much relieved, along with the rest of the kitchen staff, now that the flames were out, slowly picked up the phone, "Hello? Oh yes the milk sprinklers, well yes...umm you see... Well I've been meaning to call about them too, I'm fairly sure they've soured..."

A familiar looking stormtrooper who, for some odd reason, was wearing a cape, rushed into the room. "DID SOMEONE SAY, 'CLEANING EMERGENCY'?" yelled Barnabus, striking a self important pose. "Stop it! It's too much!" groaned Wilkins, wheeling his janitorial cart in. The old man took one look at the room, and promptly wheeled his cart back out.

The Chef turned to Wilkins, he was one of the very few that had no fear of the old man, "HEY! You get your cleanly butt back in here, I'm not fixing all this by myself." He turned back to the phone quietly.

* * *

"O.k., well that truly is a problem, let me call Alejandro's name and he'll come down to run maintenance, in the meantime activate your Cheese Sprinklers and set them to puree, that should help Max out quite a lot, please hold." "Ba, ba-dada bum bum bum bum, ba, ba-dada daaaa!," came the music over the phone as Josie redirected the call to Sam. "Hello, Imperial Tech Support, how may I help you?"

* * *

The Chef was merely confused now, he wasn't aware that any cheese sprinklers had ever been installed, "Sam? Where can I find the cheese sprinkler button?"

Mr. Wilkins, however, had gone back to his supply closet to nap. "Never fear, Mr. Chef!" exclaimed Barnabus, "I'll go get the windex!" he dashed out of the room, his long purple cape flying behind him.

"Uh, Barnabus I don't think…," it was too late, the loopy trooper was gone. The chef sighed heavily, put the phone back to where his ear was, even though it was inside a helmet, and surveyed the damage himself... it was a mess to say the least. The entire room was now charred rubble, the fridge, the islands, the counters, the pots and pans, all of them gone, completely unsalvageable...but he did have ONE hope at least...IF he could get Vader to go for it... For now he held onto the line and waited for Sam, Max needed helping before anyone else.

* * *

"Now that depends Mr. Chef, can I call you Chef, or maybe just Mr., perhaps Che, do you have the 3010 model emergency panel or the 3011?," Sam said as he wrote something down on a piece of paper, "Also, what's a five letter word for Sith Lord?"

* * *

"Vader, and also..." He looked around at the blackened walls "I can't tell... it all sort of looks like charcoal now..."

Barnabus ran back into the room, dragging a sleeping Mr. Wilkins by the cranium. "Hey, Mr. Chef? I think he's dead." Barnabus dropped the old man's head, and kicked him. Mr. Wilkins didn't respond. "See?" the trooper sighed, "And he was the only one who knew where the Windex was.."

The Chef tilted his head, "But Barnabus he's SNORING..."

* * *

"Uh-huh," Sam said as he scribbled down the word in his puzzle, "O.k., now is it a light gray charcoal, dark black, or kind of a motor oil that's been left out for while and looks kinda like chocolate syrup, yet slightly darker, more like molasses?," Sam asked as he scanned his paper, "Also, four letter word for living teddy bears; found on Endor?"

* * *

"Ewok, and BLACK! I mean black as pitch- I mean blackened charcoal!" He corrected himself quickly, he didn't want to make the situation any more confusing than it already was...

Barnabus tilted his head to the side, staring at Mr. Wilkins, "Well then... He still won't tell me where the Windex is." "In the... basement." muttered Wilkins, turning over.

The Chef nodded to Barnabus, "Well there you go, but I still don't think Windex is really going to help the situation Barny..."

* * *

"Oh, well that's the 3020 model, I had no idea we had anything that advanced around here, I mean 3015 maybe, but nothing so recent," he said scribbling down the word and flipping through his book, "O.k., go to the door and press the triangle shaped button, that should activate the cheese sprinklers." He waited a moment before adding, "Oh, and a eight letter word for Death Star Test Planet?"

* * *

The Cheff stopped and blinked, "...I have no idea..." Hd walked to the door and did as he was told, and was rellieved yet again when melty cheese began falling from the ceiling. "Thanks Sam."

* * *

"No problem, if you have no more questions I'll disconnect now, good-bye, click," Sam said before he removed the headphones before returning to his normal job on the Imperial Emergency and Mole-People Alert Station, "ATTENTION! THE KITCHEN HAS RECENTLY BEEN BLACKENED, AND NO, CHEF DID NOT BURN IN THE FIRE, HE IS ALIVE AND WELL AND WORKING TO GET DINNER ON THE TABLE, THANK YOU!"

* * *

The Chef pressed down the hang up button on the phone, and dialed Darth Vader's office, dinner was in three hours, he'd have to work fast.

"Hello, you have reached the office of (Here Darth Vader replaced the computer voice) Darth Vader (Here the computer returned to his, her, it's classic monotone voice) If you would like to be Force Choked press 1 now, if you would like to report a failure to comply with Imperial standards press 2 now, if you would like to discuss dinning plans for this evening press 3 now, if your name is Barnabus, hang up now or press 1."

Barnabus leapt up, suddenly very excited, "OH BOY! I'VE GOT A NUMBER?," he dashed over to the Chef, grabbed the phone from his hands and begun to press 1, over and over and over again.

"NO BARNABUS NO!," The Cheff hung up the phone and redialed, pressing three this time.

Barnabus pouted, "But, I wanted to know what my number would have said..." he glanced back at the Windex. Mr. Wilkins had curled around it, and was hugging it, as if it were a teddy bear.

The Chef waited impatiently for a response, but he did spare a glance down at Wilkins and couldn't hold in an, "Awww..."

"You have selected three, this choice indicates that you wish to talk with Sir Dark Lord Vader about dinner plans tonight, am I correct?," the voice said in a smooth monotone, "If you would like to take Lord Vader out to lunch press 1 now, if you have a nice sit-down dinner planned press 2 now. If your kitchen just burned down and you need help press 3 now. If this is Barnabus, press 4 and see what happens go on, do it, you know you want to, just press it, you won't spontaneously explode or anything, mwahahaha, (I think it is crucial that the reader knows that the evil laugh just made was as monotone as an adult in Charlie Brown) if this is not not Barnabus press 5, and watch sparks fly!"

The Chef almost wanted to let Barnabus press four... and he was tempted to press five, but he knew he shouldn't do either... so he waited a moment to see what happened.

Barnabus's eyes grew wide, "H-h-he's gonna make me explode?" the Stormtrooper muttered.

The Chef decided that it might be best just to press three, so he did so and waited for whatever came next.

"You have pushed the number three, this indicates that your kitchen just burnt down and you wish to ask Lord Vader for help or that you have a slight tendency to pressing three and should be recommended to a mental help organization immediately, we recommend Dr. Fragglehorn," the voice said, "Now, press 1 if you really, really desperately need Lord Vader, press 2 if you apparently dialed the wrong number and need to be connected to Fire proofing Your Body 4-1-1. Press 3 now, if you are Barnabus, I promise you won't burst into flames, or asplode, or, Force forbid, fall into the main reactor like Charles and Nate, press 4 and you will receive a delicious cookie cake, jk, jk, there's no cake, but are you surprised that we here at The Dark Side lied?"

The Chef pressed 1 quickly, he was feeling a bit of pity on Barnabus, and didn't want to scare him...or worse, let him press the button...

"Thank you, but Darth Vader's not in his office at the moment, you can contact him on his helmet phone at 1-800-DARK-LORD-AWESOME!, exclamation point included, thank you and good night, click," the voice answered before the line went dead and a loud screeching sound filled the air.

"GAAAAHHHH!" The Chef rapidly dialed the helmet phone, he didn't have TIME for this. Dinner was now in TWO hours!

Barnabus, who had activated his Eavesdropper 500, let out a scream, falling to the floor, hugging his feet to his chest. "So. Loud." the Stormtrooper murmured, shivering, from across the room. Mr. Wilkins groaned, and kicked the windex.

"Hello, Dark Lord Vader," Darth Vader answered as he walked along towards the cafeteria with his lobster bib on, "If this is Chef I do hope the lobster's done, if not, I might just have to Force choke some random extra in the background of the cafeteria."

The Chef gulped, "Well... about that..." He dared not delay any longer, so he blurted out the rest of his message as fast as he could, "The kitchen's burned down and I actually need a team of engineers and 6000 credits!"

A loud audible click could be heard across the phone as Vader's jaw hit the bottom part of his helmet, this was closely followed by a painful groan and sporadic mechanical breathing, "Wh-what? S-s-sixty th-thousand cr-credits?." Then he calmed down, "O.k., I'll get it to you immediately, no delay, in fact, I'm in the area now, why don't I stop by and help?"

At this Barnabus screamed and dove /underneath/ the counter, "DON'TLETHIMHURTMEPLEASE!" he yelled.

* * *

Ooooooooo, CLIFFHANGER!

What will happen next?

Will Vader actually help?

Will dinner be ready on time?

Will Vader kill Barnabus?

What about this new plot, where is it at?

THe answers to these and more in the next installment...

Rate, comment, review...


	4. Part IV: TO THE VADERMOBILE!

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part IV...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Charlie Brown, any Lady Gaga SOngs, or Lady Gaga herself I believe she has that right. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopwts, and is a continuation of Part III. Now on to the participaters...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Sam, Other Extras**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef  
**

**rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)  
**

O.k., I know I said, TWO parts, but things change, so another cliffhanger is left here, and I [rpmose that the next one will be the last one in this loop. Also, we're still working on getting another plot up as soon as possible which is the first "Off Death Star RP" to come from our group yet, it will be occurring on (SPOILER) Yav... Ha, you really thought I would tell you, sadness... Well, hopefully it will be up soon enough, read on... readers, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...

* * *

On the last installment of Chaos on Deck...

"MY OVEN JUST EXPLODED WE NEED HELP!"

Well, that's really it for re-summarizing, oh don't worry, if you didn't read the previous chapter, part, story-thing, (Which I would find extremely odd if you didn't, I mean it was right before this, the only reason you wouldn't read it would be some irrational fear of the number three or the word burn) not much happened. We spent a day in the life of an Imperial Tech Support member as he helped our darling Mr. Chef, save his kitchen from near destruction. The only down-side, apart from the fire, the loss of all the food, Max's third-degree burns, the loss of the new Sir-Mix-A-Lot 3000, and the Pop-Tart stash being reduced to blackened crumbs, was that now Vader had to be called in to help rebuild the kitchen, will he help them? Will he cause more destruction? Will Timmy ever get out of the well? Oops wrong story, Will the Mole-People return or has Dr. Fragglehorn created some new, terrible, yet some how adorably cute creature to terrorize the Empire? Well, don't ask me read the story...

* * *

The Chef was quite relieved to not be dead, and thus thanked Vader quickly, before hanging up the phone, which fell to the ground as the charred receiver crumbled into ash. He then attended to Barnabus, "EASY Barny, it's OK ,I promise I won't let him hurt you ok?"

A muffled sob came out from under the counter, "You. Can't. Promise. ANYTHING!" The poor clone was extremely torn up by his role model's sudden urge to kill him.

The Chef, being a people person, picked Barnabus up from under the counter, and gave him a hug. He would have given him a brownie sundae too, but.. well... there weren't any brownies left, and the ice cream had been reduced to milk, and was attracting every stray space cat in the tri-planet area.

"O.k., I'm here, please no photos, autographs, or bacon sculptures made in my amazing image," Vader said as he broke through the crumbling door, throwing his lobster bib aside. He then cracked his knuckles as an unseen wind blew his cape behind him and he placed his hands on his hips, "How might I be of service fine citizens?"

Cinnamon buuuuuuuunns!" Barnabus bawled, running away. He quickly barricaded himself in the pantry, which unfortunately crumbled by the surprise attack, and armed with a loaf of blackened French bread.

"Well, Sir...We need two things, to completely fix and remodel the kitchen, and the ability to move at montage speed..."

At this, Mr. Wilkins awoke, "Montage?" he asked, looking oddly excited, "Do you need me to sing?"

The Chef looked oddly at Wilkins, then to Vader... "Can he sing? I mean... well?"

"Um-hmm, I think it's best we let him sleep, so... let's get to work, SAM?," Vader yelled at the ceiling. "YES LORD VADER?," Came the voice over the P.A. "Prepare to jump to montage speed!" "DO YOU WANT 'WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS' or 'THE CANTINA THEME' TO PLAY?" "Surprise me," Vader replied. "AS YOU WISH! PREPARING MONTAGE-SPACE-ENGINES! PREPARE TO MAKE THE JUMP!"

Barnabus peeked out from under the counter, his eyes wide with horror, "NO! NOT THE MONTAGE SPEED!" The Stormtrooper promptly jumped up, straight into Chef's arms, "SAVE ME!"

"WOOMPH! Barnabus?" The Cheff put him back on the ground, "Listen, would you just relax?"

"He can't!" muttered Wilkins, upset that he couldn't sing, "He's all hopped up on cola and cinnamon buns." "LIES!" yelled Barnabus, pointing at the janitor.

"WHICH SPEED WOULD YOU PREFER? 'OH NO, PIKACHU'S DYING AGAIN,' or, 'WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP A GIANT MESS IN TWO HOURS'?," Sam asked over the P.A. "I don't know, which would you prefer Chef?," Vader asked.

The Chef face-palmed, "How about the 'We Have To Clean Up A Huge mess In Two Hours' One... also might I suggest Ghost Love Score? Or perhaps Last of the Wilds? I find that Nightwish makes an awesome montage."

Mr. Wilkins sighed, "I'm going back to sleep." The old man grabbed his Windex and started down the hallway. "MR. WILKINS, NOOOOO!" yelled Barnabus, "I NEED THE WINDEX!" the clone rushed after him.

"O.k., did you catch that Sam?," Vader asked. "ROGER, ROGER... SORRY, SORRY, A BATTLE DROID MANAGED TO TAKE MY SEAT FOR A SECOND! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ALL TROOPERS AND PERSONNEL, WE ARE PREPARING TO GO TO MONTAGE-SPEED! PLEASE THINK ABOUT EXCITING POSES TO DO DURING IT! ACTIVATING IN 12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-ZERO! ACTIVATING MONTAGE-SPEED!"

*Chef sweeps up the room*

*Barnabus runs around, spraying everything with Windex*

THROUGH THE MAGIC OF MONTAGES WE FIND OUR HEROES,... VILLAINS,... BAD PEOPLE WHO HAVE A NICE SIDE,... CHARACTERS, IN A SPOTLESS KITCHEN WITH 200,000,000 LOBSTERS PLATED PERFECTLY BEFORE THEM. THROUGHOUT THE TEAL STAR PEOPLE COULD BE HEARD HITTING THEIR HEADS OFF WALLS AS THEY SUDDENLY JOLTED OUT OF THEIR LAST POSE!

The Chef had the staff out and ready to serve in moments, and it wasn't until after the meal that he was able to take a look at the wonderful work they'd accomplished and breath a contented sigh. "Well Sir, we did it."

Mr. Wilkins was lying a pile of lobster shells, completely stuffed. "Too. MUCH!" he groaned. Barnabus looked at the chef, his eyes wide, "Did you make any cinnamon buns, Mr. Chef?"

Vader licked his gloved fingers as he tossed a shell behind him onto Wilkins' pile. "ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THAT MEAL WAS DELICIOUS! ALSO, UM THOSE MOLE-PEOPLE, YEAH, REMEMBER THEM, WELLLLLLLL... DR. FRAGGLEHORN JUST CREATED SOME PENGUIN-PEOPLE, DO NOT WEAR CLOTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE FISH OR CINNAMON, HIDE YOUR CHILDREN, AND DO NOT EAT LOBSTERS! THANK YOU!," chimed in the P.A.

The Chefs eyes widened inside his helmet "...Uh-oh..." He glanced down at the overstuffed Janitor, "We gotta hide Wilkins."

Mr. Wilkins looked up, bleary-eyed, "What was that?" Not knowing what else to do, Barnabus promptly hit him over the head with the Windex bottle, knocking the janitor out.

"BARNABUS!" The Chef snatched the Windex bottle and squirted him a few times, "NO!" He turned back to Vader, "Can you lift him?"

Vader cracked his knuckles before causing the janitor to float off the ground, "I'll do better than that!" Suddenly the janitor swirled around several times before disappearing as a small golf cart painted pink, with flowers along it pulled up, "I put him in the Room Of Of Fancy French Baguettes, I hear that Penguin-People are allergic to them, TO THE VADERMOBILE!" He then got on the cart as Barbie jams pumped out of the speakers.

The Chef shivered a bit as the Barbie music played, "Why?"

A now Windex-covered Barnabus stared at the car in shock. "V- Vadermobile?" he asked, his voice very small.

The Chef looked to Barnabus, "You and I can walk if you like..."

Barnabus shook his head, "What? Are you crazy?" before anyone could stop him, the Stormtrooper jumped into the front seat, "I'M DRIVING!"

"Sorry, it's the Emperor's niece's, he gave it to me and I still haven't been able to get it to the shop," he said as he changed the CD to Lady Gaga, "Rah ah, ahahah, roma, ro mama, GaGa, oh lala, WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE," he sang along.

The Chef thought he'd had things figured out... until he'd started singing Lady Gaga... it was at that point he decided that it was best just to get in and go along with it all.

Giddy with joy, Barnabus stepped on the gas pedal, veering into the hallway, "YAHOOOOOOOO!" he yelled, "What's the speed limit in this hallway?"

"60 lightyears per parsec," Vader said after he regained his balance and changed the song, "JUST DANCE, It's gonna be o.k., dadadadada, JUST DANCE, just spin that record babe, dadadadada." "ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE PENGUIN-PEOPLE ARE APPARENTLY A GREAT DEAL MORE ADVANCED THEN THEIR PREDECESSORS THEN WE ORIGINALLY THOUGHT, THEY CAN OPEN DOORS AND SPELL SIX LETTER WORDS! FEAR THEIR INTELLECTUALITY!"

* * *

Ooooooooo, another... CLIFFHANGER!

What will happen next?

Will the Penguin-People kill them all?

Why hasn't someone done something about Dr. Fragglehorn?

EMPEROR PALPATINE HAS A NIECE?

Will they crash?

What about this new plot, where is it at?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment...

Rate, comment, review...


	5. Part V: Be Our Guest

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part V...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast, any Lady Gaga Songs, or Lady Gaga herself I believe she has that right. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopets, and is a continuation of Part IV. Now on to the participators...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Lumiere, Cogsworth,  
**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef  
**

**rose101364 - Barnabus The Stormtrooper and Mr. Wilkins The Demented Janitor (OC's)  
**

O.k., so guess what? Did you guess? O.k., this is it, the final chapter in the Burn, Baby Burn Arc. No cliffhanger here, the story wraps up nicely and sets everything up for the first "Off Death Star RP" to come from our group yet, it will be occurring on (SPOILER) Yavi... Ha, you really thought I would tell you? Well, I've kept it a secret for three RPs so far, I can keep it a secret until it actually comes out. So read on, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...

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Last time on Chaos in Deck...

Our ragtag group of Imperials managed to repair the kitchen and prepare a four star lobster dinner all through the magic of montages. But all was not daisies, and lilacs, and rainbows, and those one things that no matter what you can't help smiling at them, and also brown paper packages tied up with string, for deep within the dark, slightly depressing, flickery lights, B-Grade horror film, style dungeons of the Teal Star, had developed another mutated species which, although adorably cute, would waddle into the non-dark and depressing sectors of the Teal Star and reek havoc like only penguin people can. But the worst part of it all! ate tons of lobster, which, through some quick need to make an exciting conclusion by the writers, attracted the beast like mopth to the flame, or hornets to a can of pop, or some other random analogy, but that's not important, what matter's is that our trio of evil doers who have a soft side must now reach the Fanct French Baguette room before is sleeping with the fishes in a Penguin-Persons stomach, read on...

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Vader clung to the side of the golf-cart, holding on for dear life, as it sped down the various halls. The sound of wind rushing by had drowned out any sign of Lady Gaga over the speakers and his helmet's eyes wear stuck against his actually ones as they approached the room. "B-B-Barnabus, s-slow d-down or we-we'll m-m-miss the r-r-room!," he managed to say as they approached a rather empty looking hallway.

All that the Chef could do was hang on to the seat as tightly as he could and hope that he didn't die. He did have a family somewhere out in the galaxy after all, and was hoping, at some point to, see them again.

Now, this is where, through the magic of roleplay and Fanfiction, we manage to escape from the actual plot to show you this…

_Picture a small dining room on Nasboo. Nothing big, nothing fancy. A Stormtrooper, female by the shape of her armor, and her two Stormtrooper children stare out the window at the vast cosmos before them. "Momma?," the younger child says, "Is Daddy cooking for the Emperor?" And the mom replies, "Yes Clarice, Daddy's baking buns for Vader." _

Now, I really must draw your attention away from that tear jerker to show you the actual story that's happening at this moment in space…

In an instant, Barnabus slammed his foot on the breaks. The cart screeched to a stop, leaving skid marks on the floor. "Did we miss it?" the Stormtrooper asked, his eyes wide.

The Chef was rocketed forward and out of the cart, skidding several feet before beginning to roll, his momentum only stopped when he hit the end of the hallway. The only thought in his mind during this trip was, 'I'm going to die.' Unfortunately he did not. But man that would have made an exciting plot twist, don't you think?

"Nggffgfs," came the muffled sound as Vader removed his helmet from the extremely plushie dash, "It's right here." He then got out of the cart and walked, stumbled, fell over to a large metal door labeled FFB, "Right through here," he said as he fumbled with the abnormally large ring of keys mumbling to himself, "Dungeons, X-Box 520, Room of Fruit, CookiePalooza, Fragglehorn's Cell, My Secret Quite Place, My Pimped out TIE Advanced, my collection of foods that look like Jedi I've killed... ah The Room of Fancy French Baguettes."

Barnabus's eyes lit up, "BAGUETTES?" he ran over to the door, jumping up and down with excitement, "IwannabaguetteIwannabaguette!" Mr. Wilkins groaned from the golf cart, "LOBSTER. TOO. MUCH."

The Chef slowly opened his eyes and realized that he wasn't dead. He struggled to his feet, stumbled around for a moment and then staggered over to the rest of the group.

"HELLO! WELCOME TO THE ROOM OF FANCY FRENCH BAGUETTES! I AM PIERRE AND I WILL BE WALKING YOU THROUGH THE PROCESS OF ACCESSING THE ROOM!," a voice said from nowhere as the key was turned, "STEP 1, ARE YOU DARK_LORD_AWESOME?" "Yes" "THANKS, ENTER CODE NOW." Vader typed his code in before the door flew open, "ENJOY YOUR MEAL!"

The Chef rubbed his head and stared into the room...good gravy if he'd known they'd had this room he'd have added subs to the menu a LONG time ago.

Barnabus whimpered at the sound of the voice, shrinking up against the Chef "But... Why?"

The Chef turned to Barnabus groggily, "Why what?"

"WHY IS THERE AN ANGRY FRENCHMAN IN THE COMPUTER?" Barnabus sobbed, "I DON'T WANT MY BAGUETTES HANDLED BY HIM!"

The Chef continued rubbing his head "...I didn't think he sounded angry, but if it means that much to you..." He stepped up to the panel, entered his code and changed the voice on the pad, "Bonjour!" it said happily. It now had the ever friendly voice of Lumiere.

"Come on, there's a remote operated defense system in the back where we can take out the Penguin-People without haveing to actually fight them," Vader said as he led the way into the "room", which could technically be called a warehouse based on the amount of space and the layout. Aisles and aisles of delicious French Bread lay before them as they made their way towards the back.

Barnabus's eyes grew wider and wider as he stared at all the French bread. "So much better than this one," he sighed, tossing his old, blackened baguette over his shoulder. He reached forward for a nice, fresh one.

The Chef looked at the blackened old baguette oddly for a moment _...why was Barna-_ he shook his head _Never mind._ Suddenly Lumiere's voice came down from the ceiling "I am regrettably sorry monsieur, but you are a contaminated baguette" And with that a tiny laser shot from somewhere above their heads and disintegrated the dead Baguette.

Barnabus's eyes got very, very wide. He was quiet for a few seconds. Then, with a shriek, he jumped into the Chef's arms. "I DON'T WANNA BE A CONTAMINATED BAGUETTE!"

The Cheff's head hurt too much for this right now, "Barnabus," he began testily, "Do you really believe that you are a contaminated Baguette?"

"COGSWORTH!," came a voice from somewhere down the aisles as a little clock ran across their path. "THAT BAGUETTE IS NOT FIT FOR THE MASTER'S CONSUMPTION! Pardon mi monsieur's...," a candelabra yelled as he ran after the clock. "Bonjour," Vader said as he bowed slightly to the little objects as they rushed across their path, "You are most certainly not a contaminated baguette, as far as I am aware, then again I do need to renew my Baguette/Human Identification License."

Barnabus stared after the candelabra, "No... But, he might not know it!," the Stormtrooper let go of the Chef to point at the ceiling and promptly dropped to the floor.

The Chef shook his head, "Computer Identify" he said pointing to Barnabus. The computer took a moment then responded, Subject: Barnabus, Occupation: Soldier, Official Helper to Mr. Wilkins, Most certainly NOT a Baguette.

"HELLO DEARIES, HOW ARE THINGS DOWN THERE? NO CONTAMINATED BAGUETTES I HOPE?," came a woman's voice from the ceiling, "WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA?" "Bonjour Mrs. Potts," Vader called to the ceiling, "See Barnabus nothing to fear. Now would you like a cup of tea?" He then turned slightly to stare at the clack and the candelabra fighting a little ways down the aisle, "Ello," the candelabra said as the clock released his nose and it snapped back into place.

"It knows my name!" he wailed, staring at the roof, "How does it know my name?" he sniffed, hugging his new baguette close to him, "All I wanted was some French bread...

Vader's hand met his helmet as gears the two objects began to fight and gears went flying in all directions.

The Chef shook his head, "Oh.. Barnabus...It's programmed that way, it knows everyone's name, The technicians TOLD it everyone's name" He then turned to the ceiling, "I'd love a cup of tea Mrs. Lans-err Potts!"

Barnabus stared up at the ceiling thoroughly confused, "Erm... Cinnamon buns?"

"COMING UP DEARIE," called the ceiling before a tea cup and saucer dropped from the sky into the Chef's hands, "ANYTHING ELSE DEARIES?" "NO,NO,NO, WHAT WOULD THE MASTER SAY?" "LIGHTEN UP COGSWORTH, THEY'RE OUR GUESTS!" "NO,NO, NO SINGING!," Vader yelled at the bickering voices in the ceiling. "BE. OUR. GUEST. BE OUR GUEkgfgjfij," the speaker said before it's crumpled remains fell in their path.

The Chef stared at Vader in dismay, "Awww... I like that song..."

Barnabus stared at the speaker, speechless. "Bu- bu- but, we're their guests." he whined, "I wanted to hear the song..."

"Bonjour, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to relax let us pull up a chair, as the Fancy French Baguette room proudly presents, your dinner," Lumiere said as he raced up one of the aisles with Cogsworth hanging on to his base for dear life. THE. MASTER. WILL. NOT. BE. HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYY!," he cried as he went flying down another aisle, kicked off by Lumiere as he reached his place, and crashing into the broad side of an aisle, a large gear rolling out and across the floor where it spun before falling as Cogsworth groaned and attempted to get up.

"Be. Our. Guest. Be our guest, put our service to the test, tie your napkin round neck cherie and we provide the rest," the candelabra sang as chairs popped out of the ground and the ground rose to form a table for the three to sit at, "Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres, why we only live to serve. Try the gray stuff that's delicious," hors d'oeuvres floated out as the candelabra called them. "Don't believe me...," The candelabra said before Cogsworth clambered onto the table and cut the music, "Ask the dishes, we know, we know, they're French, Lumiere this is NOT what the master meant when he said have fun!," the clock stated as he replaced several gears, "Now if you'll EXCUSE us, we really must be off, good night." He then led Lumiere off down the table.

The Chef reiterated, "Awww..." He'd quite been enjoying the little number

Barnabus watched them leave, his eye twitching, "But... How do they fly?" he asked curiously, poking a floating bowl of pudding.

The Chef shrugged helplessly. He was pretty good with food, but this was one he just couldn't answer.

"The Force?," Vader asked as the table slowly went back into the floor and the two figures walked off towards a large door at the back of the room. "FUN? THAT WAS MOST CERTAINLY NOT FUN YOU WAX-HEADED GIT!," Cogworth yelled as they retreated. "Calm down you GEAR-BRAINED PENDULUM SWINGING BAFOON, WHY YOUR NO MORE THAN AN OVERGROWN POCKET-WATCH!," Lumiere retorted as they reached the door.

The Chef chuckled a bit as they left and proceeded to point his thoughts back towards the matter of hiding Wilkins from the Penguins, "SO...Where' we gonna put him?

Barnabus's eye twitched, "Erm... Did we leave Wilkins on the cart?" Suddenly, the Stormtrooper's eyes got VERY big. "...With the Penguin-Peoples loose?"

"FUDGE!," Vader said as he whirled around and saw the Penguin-People outside the door, their flippers poking Wilkins before several of them grabbed him and took off, "GRAB A BAGUETTESABER AND FOLLOW ME!" Vader then grabbed a golden brown baguette off of the shelf and took chase of the Penguin-People.

The Chef grabbed a baguette from the Extra-Crispy shelf and followed Vader.

Barnabus clutched his baguette to his chest, quickly running after Vader, "WILKINS OWES ME A CINNAMON BUN FOR THIS!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!," Vader yelled as he caught up to the back of the Penguin-People group and swung the baguette at the old one with the walker who happened to be lagging behind the others. The baguette stopped as it touched the Penguin-Person's face which resulted in the Penguin-Person crumbling to the floor as Vader moved on to the next one.

The Chef entered the fray, not swinging wildly as one might expect, but stopping, striking a ninja pose, holding the Baguette like a katana, and becoming his opponents forward. No one knew but him, but he was secretly trained in the ancient Food fighting arts...back when it as an ART...and not just wildly flinging food.

Barnabus, however, had abandoned all hope of destroying the Penguin-People, and had resigned to sitting on the floor, munching on his baguette. "Go get 'em, Darthy!" he cheered, "Let's go, Chef!"

GO GET EM' DARTHY? Darthy? Is that what they called him behind his plastic and nylon coated back? He had expected things like The Vadernator, or The $3,000,000,000 Man, or Vadenstein, never Darthy! But it was support so he took it and wiped out all, but six Penguin-People who had stopped to get directions from the nice man behind the counter at "Lightsabers R' Us".

The Chef did a few backhand springs and quickly dispatched the extra six penguin men. "THERE!"

Barnabus cheered, "WE DID IT! WE DID IT!" A bleary-eyed Mr. Wilkins sat up, blinking, "Erm... What just happened?"

RATHER THEN GO THROUGH THE EXTREMELY LABORING TASK OF TELLING THE WHOLE STORY FROM THE BEGINNING VADERMERELY SWIPED HIS CARD ON THE "LIGHTSABERS R' US" COUNTER AND ACTIVATED THE EXTREMELY PRICEY AND UNDERUSED FLASHBACK FEATURE EQUIPPED INTO THE DEATH STAR VR. 78.2843 UPON THE EMPEROR'S REQUEST, WHO IT OCCURS TO ME WAS OT SEEN ONCE WITHIN THE COURSE OF THIS PLOT, ONLY HEARD ON THE PHONE.

Mr. Wilkins nodded, slowly understanding what was going on. "Well... Don't expect me to clean it up."

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And that wraps up this amazing arc and gives us a clean slate for the next plot.

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

Why hasn't someone done something about Dr. Fragglehorn?

What happened to Palpy?

What about this new plot, where is it at?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment... hopefully...

Rate, comment, review...


	6. Part VI: Trial and Error

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part VI...

(A.K.A. The Trial Of Dr. Fragglehorn)

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the beast and The Lion King, those are property of Disney Animation Studios. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is an oddity for this story as it is created by only me, but uses the characters you know and love from the previous chapters. It kind of goes more indepth into the character of Dr. Fragglehorn and his creations and is meant to be just a filler page while we work on the other plot.

O.k., I know I said, that this RP would be the new "Off Death Star Plot", but things have been slow for our group recently and we'll get to work on the new plot ASAP. We're still working on getting another plot up as soon as possible which is the first "Off Death Star RP" to come from our group yet, it will be occurring on (SPOILER) Yavin... Ha, you really thought I would tell you, sadness... hopefully it will be up soon enough, read on... readers, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...

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Today is a very special day on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843, today we witness the trial of a mad scientist...

"ORDER! ORDER!," yelled the court justice as he banged his lightgavel on the edge of his extremely high desk that ran along the far end of the court room aboard the Teal Star (A.K.A. as Death Star Vr. 78.2843). The entire length of the desk was painted fuchsia and covered in teal and cerulean vines and flowers. The chairs that held only eight people, but were defiantly meant to hold a much larger assembly, were upholstered in a fancy turquoise plaid and made of beautiful mahogany painted Styrofoam.

The before mentioned spectators sat three rows back, so as to be safe in the event that the doctor had some kind of Penguin DNA bomb, or an overly fancy atom splicer, or force-forbid, a spoon stolen from the prison block cafeteria. The spectators consisted of Dark Lord Awesome (A.K.A. Lord Vader), Emperor Palpatine, Mr. Chef, Barnabus. , (Who had refused to leave the safety of his cart and as such, sat in the garbage basket in it's front as he watched the judge), Samuel The P.A. Guy, Lumiere, and Cogsworth who had all been asked to attend this special trial of the "Evil" ( Evil is hardly the word to use, the more adequate word would be annoying, overly destructive, extremely bad at genetic splicing) Doctor.

"ORDER! I SAID ORDER!," the judge yelled out to silent group of guests, "The trial of Dr. Rasputia Tanesha Tamera Phil Bryan Johan Steven Becky Fragglehorn will now commence. Bring in the doctor!" The large metal doors opened to allow a man to rush in and up to the judge's desk. "WHAT?," the judge exclaimed as the man spoke with him, "WELL FORCE HIM!" The man then exited and returned shortly, leading a very cool and collected, and slightly burnt, Dr. Fragglehorn, who wore a lab coat and goggles as his white hair stood straight up above his head.

As he took his seat the bailiff proceeded to run up with a copy of vogue magazine so as to perform the swearing in of the only witness in the trial. "Dr. Rasputia Tanesha Tamera Phil Brian Johan Steven Becky Fragglehorn do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Force." "I do… for now," the doctor replied as the bailiff walked off to his blast shield protected office on the far side of the court room and began to eat his popcorn.

"Dr. Rasputia Fragglehorn…," the judge began before the doctor interrupted. "Please, do call me Johan," the doctor stated before he began to tinker with a peeling edge of the stand. "Fine, Dr. Johan Fragglehorn, will you please tell the court your story?"

I assume I could indulge them in the tale, if they comply to allowing the extra funds needed to create the flashback/montage sequence…," the doctor said as he sat up straighter and removed his goggles from his eyes.

"Does the Emperor comply to allow the funds necessary to create this flashback sequence?," the judge asked the Emperor from his place behind the explosion proof glass. "I do, but no more than 200,000 credits and a loaf of Fancy French Baguette," the Emperor replied. "Thank you, witness may continue," The judge said to the doctor who had went back to peeling off the gold fringe along the witness stand. "As you wish, it all began on a stormy night at Insanei City Hospital, Sanitarium, and High School…," the doctor began as he waved his hands in front of him and stared of into the middle distance as the picture went blurry and we saw the following events…

It was in fact a very stormy night at the small Hospital, Sanitarium, and High School on the south side of Insanei City on the small water-covered planet of Kamino. A child was born to two humans vacationing on the planet. But all was not good once they realized that the Jedi order would kill them should they realize the blatant disregard for the code they had committed, and they left the child with Kaminoan Prime Minister Llama Chu, who took the baby Rasputia and taught him until his 18th year.

It was then that he went to Insanei City College of Genetic Splicing and cloning and learned the techniques needed to get him a doctorate in the field and a job on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843. Here he was best known for creating the most ignorant and deformed clones ever thanks to his delight in cooking terrible foods inside the cloning pods, and then making clones in them days after without cleaning them.

Most certainly the highlight of his life was when he made his first genetically spliced opossum-person and first looked upon it's grotesque form inside it's pod whilst it snacked on chocolate cake that had crusted to the inside of the pod. But alas, one genetically altered species was not enough for him. And so he created the first batch of mole-people , who unfortunately were not blessed with particularly good eyesight or hand-eye coordination and found themselves burning, only twelve minutes after release, in the main reactor with no one any the wiser to their release.

The second attempt at creating an army of people was slightly more successful, but this was overshadowed greatly by the explosion that resulted when they tunneled into the main laser controls and caused the destruction of Yavin III. Needless to say the explosion had similar effects on the mole-people, but due to the graphic nature of their demise we will not go into detail as to the end of their existence.

Trial number three was the first effective batch of mole-people, (See Part 1 of this story) and caused much mayhem and destruction aboard the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 until the PINK Division managed to subdue them and place them in their cell (A.K.A. The Converted Mustard and Horse Radish Storage Room) whilst the apprehended doctor was locked inside his lab until farther notice or a trial could be conducted.

However the PINK Division, though greatly commended for the efforts, had failed to realize the implications of locking a known mad scientist in his own lab with an entire refrigerator of animal DNA to splice. But, that little fact is not nearly as crucially important as the creation of the platypus-people, who came after several other failed species including: kitten-people, deer-people, GiantPanda-People, fish-people (He had failed to realize the limitations of a water breathing species in the vacuum of space), and lastly the lemur-people (Whom he liked, but had a tendency to steal his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so he led them into the air vents that led to the main reactor. Nothing was ever heard of them again, but some troopers swear they lose their PB & J Sandwiches if they set them down for even a second.)

The Platypus-people seemed infallible, they were the epitome of perfection, in the doctor's eyes, their only weakness… guacamole. But even that minor flaw wouldn't stop them, or so the doctor thought. For two and a half hours they ravaged the indoor (Indoor because an outdoor anything in space becomes disastrous quickly as they learnt with the outdoor tennis court and the demise of some thirty odd Stormtroopers) swimming pools after breaking their doctor free, but before trying to reach the mole-peoples cells. However, the PINK Division stepped in and returned the doctor and his experiments to the cryogenics labs where they were promptly frozen alongside the French fries and beef patties.

And so the story comes to an end… NOT! The mole-people escaped from their cell and spent three hours looking for their master and his platypus people. ?they were unfortunately successful and the platypus-people terrorized the lower decks with their moly brethren whilst Dr. Fragglehorn cowered in the Room of Cuddly Pillows Shaped Like Animals and Flowers.

But alas, the PUCE Squad found him only moments after Lord Vader, The Emperor, and Secret Apprentice No. 452485 (A.K.A. Mara Jade) destroyed the remainder of the enemy spawn. The obviously mentally unstable doctor was placed in a padded cell in Sub-Level 35: Department of Mind Related Illnesses and Baked Goods.

After several mental examinations and a Home Economics course, the doctor was released to his lab and given "The Imperial Seal Of Mental Stability And Chefly Like Baking Skills". More failed experiments occurred at this point and the doctor was forced to move his lab to the flickering lights and B-grade Horror film mold covered walls of the lowest locker room of the Death Star Vr. 78.2843. It was here where the remainder of his DNA samples were reduced to koala, penguin, llama, kangaroo, giraffe, lion, shark, and turkey. Confident that the penguin DNA would be an adequate spicing substance to create a species capable of initiating his escape and ascertaining him the goal of ruling the station the Penguin-People were created and sent off to do his bidding.

He however vastly underestimated their directional capabilities and their lobster cravings and as such did not expect them to be taken out by the baguette wielding Sith and chefs. And with the end of the Penguin-People Dr. Raspu… I mean Dr. Johan found himself, once again, in Prison Block 3452845937*$%^$^: The Mad Scientist and Delusional Smugglers Sector. It was only three days later that the doctor was brought to the court for numerous crimes that we will list later. Cue wavy lines and end flashback…

"That was a touching story Rasputia…," the judge said as a loud snore came from Wilkins, who had laid down against his mop and fallen asleep during the flashback. Vader was watching the light from the stained glass window that took up a large portion of the wall behind the judge and depicted what appeared to be the story of the Battle On Hoth, seeing as it was so far the only true victory of the Empire, if it can be called a victory as the entire Rebel fleet escaped before they could effectively be destroyed. The Emperor was listening to the Cantina Theme on his iPod and a s a result was subconsciously bobbing his head. And the other's were watching the Extended Edition of The Lion King on their portable DVD player.

"Dr. Rasputia Tanesha Tamera Phil Bryan Johan Steven Becky Fragglehorn, you stand, sit, are here to day and accused of Evil Science Not Expressly Permitted By Your Employer, Crimes Against The Empire, Blatant Disregard For DNA Splicing Rules and Regulations, and Creating Evil Species In A Lab Not Inspected Or Authorized By The Imperial Board Of Lab Regulations and Safety, how do you plea?," the judge asked as the spectators watching the DVD all simultaneously yelled, "NOOOOOOOO! NOT MUFFASA!"

At this sat bolt upright in his cart and stared out of it, pointing a bottle of Windex in all directions and looking ready to shoot. Suddenly the Emperor moved and received a prompt spraying of the cleaning liquid to his face before the old janitor retreated to the safety of his garbage can.

"Now, as I was saying, how do you plead?," the judge asked Rasputia again. "I plead… NOT… Innocent," the doctor replied as he smiled the widest smile possible. "Really? Well in that case, I sentence you to three days imprisonment and then immediate ejection into space, court dismissed." With that the judge banged his lightgavel and disappeared in a puff of smoke as the bailiff drug the doctor through the door towards his holding area.

As the metaphorical sun sets on our escapades in court, the group of could-be heroes are seen pushing the mentally unstable out of the court room in his cart… What will happen next?…

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So how did you like that exciting expose into the Life and Times of Dr. Fragglehorn?

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

What's gonna happen to Fragglehorn now?

WHAT HAPPENED TO MUFFASA? (Which if you've watched the movie should be easy enough to answer, if not, go watch it, now)

What about this new plot, where is it at?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment... hopefully...

Rate, comment, review... PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!...


	7. Part VII: Apples and Baguettes

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part VII...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast, any Lady Gaga Songs, Star Trek. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopets, and is THE FIRS TOFF DEATH STAR ROLEPLAY YET!. Now on to the participators...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Lumiere, Sam the PA Guy, Garbage Disposal DeathStarians  
**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef, The Emperor  
**

******tyheamma- Captain Kirk, Spock, Sulu  
**

O.k., so guess what? Did you guess? O.k., this is it, the first "Off Death Star RP" to come from our group yet, it occurs on Endor and is not the one we've promised you for so long, that's coming, later, but it's coming. So read on, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...

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"Frank, do you think Honey Roasted Chestnut or Honey Roasted Almond would look better on the tables?," Vader said as he walked alongside the maintenance man holding up two pieces of brownish cloth, almost identical. "Almond, it looks more delicious and comforting." "Your right," Vader said as he tossed a piece behind him and walked on, "Now what's your opinion or Turduken?"

The Emperor wandered up from his nap to his apprentice, "What about turducken?" he asked sleepily.

"Oh Steve, I was just wondering if Turduken would be good for dinner tonight," Vader asked as he pushed Frank out of the way and into the garbage chute. "AHHHHHHH! NOM NOM NOM." "Sam, send down another maintenance man, it seems Frank forgot about the garbage disposal monster," Vader murmured into his helmet-com.

The Emperor shrugged a bit as he listened to the monster crunching of Frank, "What's with the fancy dinner?" he sniffed around a bit, there was food cooking...and LOTS of it. "Is it somebody's birthday?

"It's Thanksgiving Steve, also Calvin said something about he's 23 now, the oldest clone on the ship or something...," Vader said as another maintenance man walked up, "Ah! Joey, Plan 26-B?" "As ya wish," Joey said as he took the fabric and walked off singing something about being put in the movies.

"Thanksgiving? What's that?" he said tilting his head, "It's not another one of those sappy holidays about peace and love and joy is it? Where we decorate things funny and make a whole crudload of…" "Food Your highness! Isn't it wonderful?" the Chef practically sang as he waltzed out of the kitchen, partnered with a soup ladle. To put it simply the Emperor face palmed.

"Ah Chef, everything's going well I trust?," Vader asked as several SprinkleTroopers (They had been demoted for bad conduct) walked by carrying cornucopias. "HELLO! GUYS? I'M F-FINE DOWN HERE! I MANAGED TO COWER INSIDE AN ABANDONED REFRIGERATOR FILLED WITH APPLE BUTTER!," came the voice of frank through the garbage disposal. "Frank? Is that you? Oh dear he's went all Jedi blue ghost thing on us."

The Emperor looked down the Chute, "No he didn't! Look! He's got a blue flashlight! Oh here comes the monster...opps... there goes Frank, No wait he's alive!... No that's just an arm… oh but it moved!" Eventually the Emperor just shut the chute door leaving Frank to live or die as Dianagga pleased. "Immensely well, Lord Vader! The turducken is ready to go in the oven if that's what you want."

"Oh, I guess that is just a blue... HOLY FORCE THERE'S TWO BEASTS DOWN THERE, OH MY JEDI!," Vader exclaimed before he turned away and looked towards the chef, "Ah very well, continue with Operation Turduken." He then turned back to his master, "You know things seemed to have quieted down recently no..." "ATTENTION! ASUNCION! HDFHDFFJO! THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL BEASTS HAVE BECOME INTELLIGENT AND HAVE RECOGNIZED THAT THEY WISH TO EITHER BE RECOGNIZED AS INTEGRAL PARTS OF THE SHIP OR THEY WILL EAT MOST OF US AND LEAVE ONE POOR SOUL TO DEFEND THE ENTIRE STATION, "BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE TENTACLES, MOVES, OR MAKES A GURGLING NOISE FOLLOWED BY A HA-CHA!THANK YOU! GRACIAS!," Sam announced over the P.A.. Vader followed the remarks with a facepalm.

The Emperor also facpalmed, "Vader, Helmet phone Sam and tell him to tell the Garbage monsters we recognize them and…, "the holiday slowly sunk into his understanding, "...and tell them we're THANKFUL FOR THEM!" he announced proud of his new understanding.

"As you wish my master," Vader replied before a ringing could be heard from inside the helmet before a metallic voice answered, "Hello, Imperial Control Center, would you like to speak to Sam, o.k. then, please hold..." Melodious hold music filled the air with the sound of the Imperial March before a click sounded and another voice broke in, "You got Sam!" "Sam, inform the Garbage Disposal Beasts..." "They prefer the term, Garbage Disposal DeathStarians" "Fine, tell the Garbage Disposal DeathStarians that we recognize them as integral and are thankful for their existence." The phone clicked and then Sam returned, "They say they know it's Thanksgiving and demand more Apple Butter..." "Well Chef, we got some?," Vader asked in response.

The Chef went too look in the fridge and came back out after a moment in a wild rush, "THERE'S NO MORE APPLE BUTTER!" he said panicking slightly.

"Samuel? Samuel? There's um... no more Apple Butter...," Vader said into the phone as the sound of an intercom being dropped echoed inside Vader's helmet. "Oh Force!," came Sam's reply, "ATTENTION! ASUNCION! THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL BEA..." "GURGLE!" "DEATHSTARIANS HAVE DECIDED TO DECLARE WAR ON THE INHABITANTS OF THE DEATH STAR VR. 78.2843, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE NEAREST SHUTTLE AND LEAVE!"

The Emperor Gawked for a moment, "QUICK CHEF! What do you need to make that much apple butter?" The Chef pulled a recipe form his pocket, "2 tons of Endorian apples!" The Emperor shook his apprentice, "TELL THEM WE'LL GET IT JUST GIVE US TIME!"

"SAM? Tell them we'll get them their apple butter, just gives a little while," Vader said as a Stormtrooper nearly bowed him over pushing shopping carts full of electronics, "HEY COME BACK! I think he just raided the Wal-Mart." His answer came when a rather rotund security guard came waddling up screaming, "HEY THAT'S WAL-MART PROPERTY PUNK!" "How are we going to get that many apples?"

The Emperor whipped around to the Chef "HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THAT MANY APPLES?" The Chef gawked "Um... That happens to be a very good question… um... firstly we'll need to get to Endor!" The Emperor was still frantic, "And then?" The Chef shrugged, "I don't know we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!"

"Um.. I have another question, every shuttle on board was just taken to escape, the flight personal probably left, and this battle station isn't exactly approved for landing on planets yet, how do we access Endor?," Vader ventured before the sound of Sam packing a suitcase broke in. "Lord Vader, should I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Where are you headed?" "Hoth" "Do you really have to ask?" "No"

The Chef wondered this himself..."What about that old clunky thing?" he said referring to a beaten up battle worn shuttle deemed long ago too unsafe to use but might be their only choice...did I mention it was painted psychedelic?

"Hmmm the Dream Machine?," Vader asked as he thought of the old shuttle rotting away on the flight deck two levels above them, "It might work, but we'd have to find enough Tie-Dye to power it to the planet's surface."

The Chef thought for a moment, before darting off to his room. He was back in a moment carrying some brightly colored clothing..."I was kind of weird during the sixties..." he admitted sheepishly, "Will it be enough?"

"Maybe... we'll have to see, to the FLIGHT DECK!," Vader called before Sam broke in again. "Vader? Have you seen my can of Wampa-Be-Gone?" "No Sam, did you check the supply closet?" "No..." "Wilkins keeps some there in the event of a Wampa attack" "A Wampa attack on the Death Star?" "Hey, we're being attacked by Garbage Disposal DeathStarians right now" "Touché"

The Chef and Emperor darted to the flight deck and opened the pilot's door. The Chef had opened it for Vader, but Palpatine hopped right in, "Sweet ride!" The Chef yanked him out of the driver's seat and into the back, which was carpeted all along the floor and walls, even CEILING in neon pink shag.

Vader rushed into the flight deck with his pilot goggles on and hopped in the pilot's seat as a bedraggled Sam ran up from a hallway, "PLEASE LET ME RIDE WITH YOU?" "As you wish," Vader replied as he snapped the goggles across his plastic coated eyes and started the engines with a sputter, "Activate Tie-Dye engines! Prepare to launch!" Sam got in, "Um, what about Barney and Wilkins?" "Please, they have training. LAUNCH!"

Palpatine grabbed about as much shag as he could as the rickety old thing rattled out of the flight deck "Oh Geeze I hate flying!"

"You sound like Obi-Wan..." "May the Force be with you" "Shut up my old master, I killed you" "So? Have you seen what your driving, your gonna need all the help you can get" The ship then floated out of the hanger before the engines cut and they plummeted towards Endor, "OH FORCE!" "Yeah, not so sure of ourselves now are we!," rang Obi-Wan's voice as they fell.

Palpatine screamed at the top of lungs, "AND THIS IS WHY!" The Chef swam through the zero g's and drop kicked the dashboard, somehow causing the engines to start again...at the very least for a millisecond...

"THUNK, THUNK, VR-VR-VROOM!, the engines burst into life just long enough to level the ship out and decrease their speed before they found themselves buried in a mound of dirt on Endor. "See, everything's fine... BOOM!"

Palpatine Jumped "What was that! The Chef lifted his head off the floor. "Probably the engine exploding... Palpatine facpalmed.

Vader then turned around to face the passengers, "Attention passengers, we have landed safely... BOOM! On Endor, you may now unfasten your seatbelts and exit the ship as you see fit, I hope you all purchased one-way tickets, because by the looks of the engine cavity, we won't be leaving anytime soon, thank you."

Palpatine sat up stiffly and rubbed his head, "What seatbelt?" he said wryly. At any rate he and the Chef got out, took a map from his pocket and pointed dramatically, "THAT WAY!" he marched for a few moments, stopped flipped his map over and turned completely around, "Sorry. THAT WAY!"

Vader followed with Sam on his tail with a 30 pound backpack on his back, "Are we even sure that Endor has an apple orchard?" "Of course Sam, Ewoks love apples, and bacon... Eh, we'll be fine though so long as we don't have bacon on us..." "Uh-huh," Sam said warily as he brought up the rear.

The Emperor turned to his apprentice, a small strip of bacon just sticking out of his pocket, "What about bacon?" he said suddenly very fidgety.

."Ewoks go mad over it, it's not uncommon for entire battalions of troopers to go missing delivering bacon to the shield generator," Vader said as he passed his master and crested a small hill to look down into a valley filled with apple trees, "But you'd now that if you ever read the invoices. Ah, it seems we've found them."

Palpatine felt his pocket's cautiously, and gave a small nervous laugh, "He-he Riiiight..." he suddenly heard a small twig snap behind him, "What was that?" And then the world went black.

."GOOD FORCE MAN!," Vader exclaimed as more of the Ewoks emerged from the trees pushing past Sam who's large backpack caused him to topple over the hill towards the orchard. "H-E-LP-ME! I-DON'T-WAN-NA-DIEEEEEEEEEEEE... THUD, BOOM!" "I told him not to pack the Reddi-Whip," Vader said as he pulled the Ewok off his master and flung it towards it's brethren, "HA-CHA!"

The Chef turned and ran to help Vader...if only he'd taken some baguettes with him..."Wait that's it!" The Chef bolted down the hill towards Sam, took two baguettes out of his backpack, made sure he wasn't dead, and then proceeded to run back to Vader to smack a few Ewoks away from the Emperor.

"Ah, the naturally enemy of the Ewok, the baguette," Vader said as he drew a baguettesaber from his cape. He fought off several of the Ewoks before the remaining begun to retreat inside the forest cover. At this point your probably imagining a 10 foot tall baguette traipsing through the Endorian forest in search of little Ewoks to snack on, this image is sadly completely correct and is the reason why so many Ewoks die out every year, please donate to the Save An Ewok Foundation by calling the toll free number below: 1-700-I -WANT -TO-GIVE -MONEY-TO -SAVE- THE-POOR- LITTLE- DEFENSELESS-EWOKS- FROM-THE-BAGUETTES. "Are you alright my master?," Vader exclaimed as he hissed, growled, or somethinged at a retreating Ewok before rushing to his master's side.

Palpatine slowly lifted his head off the forest floor, "Where am I? ...Who am I? Who are you and? ...Why can the teddy bears move?," He suddenly gasped and sat bolt upright, " I KNEW THEY'D take over they world some day! ...I think..." The Chef turned to Vader, "Uh oh…"

"Um, your Steve... I mean Emperor Palpatine, DARK EMPEROR LORDY THING OF THE SITH!," at this point lightning lit up the forest behind them, "And your um.. on Endor. I'm Dark Lord Awesome, but do call me Vader, and those Teddy Bears were actually... you know what, yeah those were teddy bears they came to take you stuffing."

Palpatine hugged himself defensively and whimpered in a most pathetic voice, "But I LIKE my stuffing." Suddenly there was another flash of lightening and The Emperor shook his head, his memory returning, "Oh… ah… WOW!" he said blinking heavily, "What Happened? Nevermind I don't want to know...where's Sam?"

"I'm down here, oh no I think my stuffing's leaking! Oh wait, never mind it's whipped cream," Sam called from the base of the hill. "Come on Steven," Vader said as he helped his master up before heading over to survey the orchard, "Come on, we got to hurry before the sun sets, that's when the baguettes come out." "Oh dear, this is cold, is this what it feels like to live on Hoth? I changed my mind, I want to live on Mustafar, I hear the lava rivers are lovely this time of year." "DING!," went the microwave in his backpack as Vader reached the man. Suddenly the Hot Pocket inside the device exploded and hot, red sauce trickled down Sam's face, "OH FORCE! Is this what Mustafar feels like. I'm never going there again!" "Tell me about it," Vader said as he helped the man up.

The Chef helped Sam up "Sam...How many apples do you think that backpack can hold?" He asked he had to wonder also though... How were they going to get back to The Teal Star? I mean, the engines were little more than metallic dust... although he figured tat Vader could fix that but where were they going to get enough tie-dye to power them UP to home? He shook his head, if they couldn't carry the apples…

"Oh, I'd say around 1.99 to 2.00003 tons of apples, easily, and that's with the emergency tie-dye stores in, why?," asked the PA guy as Vader rushed off to the nearest tree and looked up. "Um, not to poke holes in your plan, but what about those things?," he said as he pointed up to a weird little teddy bear like thing sitting on a tree limb.

The Emperor looked up at the Ewoks, "Oh Frap." And then the world went... well not black... he was conscious... but it became rather brown and fuzzy...

"UGH!," Vader exclaimed as he fell underneath the weight of the Ewok and lost sight of the sinking sun as it disappeared below the tree line and everything went dark. He chalked it up to the large mass obscuring his vision through the mask until the ground trembled and a loud, "BAAAAAA-GEEEEEEEE-T," sounded throughout the forest. The Ewoks scattered like ants from the water hose, like flies from a swatter, like Lady Gaga from normal clothes. "HOLY FORCE THE BAGUETTES ARE COMING!"

The Emperor screamed, "NOT AGAIN! Wait...baguettes can move on their OWN!"

"You haven't been reading 'Teal Star Quarterly' recent have you, master?," Vader asked as the ground shook once more, "Well apparently our dear friends in waste management, namely Barnabus, have been tossing baguettes exposed to main reactor radiation into space for weeks. The sad news being that Endor's magnetic field has caused the baguettes to gravitate towards the planet. Once they land on the planet, the combined magic of the radiation and the power of the Ewokian priests transform them into monstrous beasts." Just then a tee hurtled towards the group and was stopped millimeters away from Sam's face by Vader, "See? Not to be toyed with, their only weakness is muffins, and Cher music. They break down crying at 'If I Could Turn Back Time'," Vader said as a sob sounded nearby.

The Emperor looked up into his apprentices "eyes", "Oh Sweet Force...", he pointed behind his apprentice "Look behind you!' He himself got up and bolted in the opposite direction.

"What are you... Holy Jedi Of Tatooine!," Vader exclaimed as he turned to see the giant baguette stalk out of the tree cover brandishing what could only be called a rather crude version of a lightsaber made out of wood. At the sight of the monstrous beast Vader and Sam ran off into the orchard whimpering, "If I could turn back time, if I could find a wayyyy, I'd take back those words that would hurt you, and you'd stay..." As they turned tail and fled the baguette threw the saber causing a large thud and Sam's unbalance followed by more shouting, mangling of Cher, and a snowball effect roll down a rather pointy rock strewn hill. "Ugh, I take it back Sam, all the words that I said, I should have let the beasts take the Teal Star," Vader muttered as he lay back.

A Rope suddenly appeared around the baguette's er... "neck" and the Chef was on the other end! "DOWN YOU MONTEROUS HEATHEN DOWN!"

"Take that, and that, and... not those, I might need them," Sam said as he tossed several muffins from his pack before noticing that the next item to be thrown was his pink undies. "Quick thinking Chef!," Vader called as he watched the man grappling with the beast as it slunk closer to the forest under the onslaught of muffins.

The Chef Fought with the beast, finally pulling it to the ground, he slowly moved to it's "muzzle" and began to stroke it calmly, "There now, that's better, easy there boy, shhh..."

What are you waiting for?," Vader exclaimed as he made his up to the beast and the Chef, "KILL IT! Use my lightdagger." He then drew a mini-lightsaber handle and ignited the miniature blade. Whilst this happened Sam happily picked apples singing something about "disco sticks" to himself.

The Chef turned to Vader and whacked him in the head with one of his normal baguettes, "No! This guy just needs a little taming is all, besides," he patted it on the muzzle, "He might be our ticket home!" The Emperor could only Gawk at the idea.

"OW!," Vader exclaimed as he rubbed his helmet where the bread had struck, "That's absolutely preposterous! He... She... IT'S a giant baguette that has no sign of flight capabilities! Hoe do you expect him, her, IT to get us off of this Force Forsaken planet?" "I think it can do it,' Sam muttered as he put the last apple in the 1st ton in the bag.

"Who's the Chef?" asked the man, a bit boldly, Vader WAS his superior officer after all. "Besides I've been looking up the effects of Reactor radiation on French goods, he patted the...beast again, "Should work! I mean- look at Lumiere and Cogsworth!"

Hmmm, you do make a point... can you have it up and flying in an hour?," Vader asked as he examined the large beast, "After all, I've been doing research as well, and after these things are left stationary for an hour or more, the giant bacon monsters come to eat them." He then glanced worriedly from side to side as the organ played, "Duh Duh DUH!"

For months now, the Enterprise had been lost. In an attempt to escape a fierce Klingon fleet, Scotty had re-jigged the engines enabling them to travel at faster warp speeds. Unfortunately, they had been traveling in the direction of a black hole. Caught up in the heat of battle and traveling at faster speeds meant they had not noticed it. Much of the crew had escaped in familiar territory via shuttles. The captain and few loyal crew members were all that was left. "Are we there yet?" Kirk asked with a sigh. "No. Not yet," replied Spock, also sighing. "How much longer?" the Captain asked, adding an elastic band to possibly one of the biggest elastic band balls anyone could ever have imagined. /What happens when I run out?/ Spock bit his lip in an attempt to hide the anger bubbling inside him./I must not show emotion/ Hearing this question repeatedly for the past six months was driving him insane. One neck pinch and... "How much longer?" the captain asked again, now turning to his first officer. Just before Spock burst into a raging fit of anger he was interrupted. "Uh, sir, a planet..." Sulu began, unaware if this was just a trick of the mind. "What, where?"

the captain asked, standing to his feet and juggling his elastic band ball."Right there!" Sulu exclaimed, pointing at the huge orb in front of them."WOOHOO!" the captain exclaimed ecstatically. For the entire time they had been lost, they had not come found any planets at all. "Life signs too," Spock explained. Without hesitation a few crew members rushed down to the transporters and beamed down to the where they going to find here?

The Emperor was distracted from the extraordinary situation by some bad sixties sound effects and turned to see the three of them beaming down, "VADER!" He flailed, running to hide behind his large Chef nodded and started to coax the beast to an upright position when the Emperor had his little episode.

What is it Steven?," Vader said as he turned around to face the new comers, "Um... O.k.? They obviously have technology more advanced than anything we could ever imagine..." He gave a slight wave as he thought, 'Good Force, please don't let them say "We come in peace".'

Kirk gasped at the sudden encounter with some rather strange looking... 's life Jim, but not as we know it," Spock -ll-o" Kirk began, speaking slowly so the aliens could understand him, "We, come, in, peacee. He turned to his crew. "Phasers on kill boys, these folks look dodgy," he said out loud to his crew. After all, these guys wouldn't understand English. Surely?

The Emperer facepalmed "Good lord he thinks we're morons... someone go talk to him and tell him we speak English?The Chef walked up to them and waved casually, "Sup?"

"What did I tell you Vader, ignorant fools quoting B-Grade alien flicks," Vader said to himself after he removed his palm from the black helmeted forehead and raised it as if he had a question, "Um... yeah... Hello, um... how are you? Might I ask why your talking like Barnabus? And um you dare set your phasers to kill in my presence?"

Kirk, Spock and Sulu all muttered amongst themselves as one of the aliens approached."Sup?" Kirk repeated, "Sup?". Once again, he turned to Spock. "What is this strange alien language?" he asked, scratching his head. "I couldn't say," Spock replied, hands on hips."Um, a gift," Kirk smiled, offering the alien his prize possession, the elastic band ball.

Kirk soon snatched the ball back however, as the cloaked individual began to speak."You, you speak English?" he exclaimed, "Why didn't you say so?"He looked a little shifty, slightly embarrassed, the 'aliens' had understood every word.

The Chef stared at it apathetically… he then looked back to Vader as if to say, /Who are these wierdos?/

"Um... it didn't exactly come up?," Vader ventured as Sam approached with a backpack full of apples. "I got em' Darthie, all 2 tons of em'," the PA Guy said as he inspected the men who had just arrived. "Very good," Vader said waving him off, "Put them on the baguette and fasten your seat belt."

"Yes, well. So's your face," Kirk replied, a smug look on his face. Spock took out a notebook and began to write about all these weird and wonderful events unfolding in front of him. Timidly, he walked over to the baguette. "Hmm, fascinating," he said, poking it with a pen a few times. Meanwhile, Sulu walked over the to emperor, examining him closely. Phaser in hand, he poked him a few times.

The Emperor decided to have some fun and snuck around behind Spock and shocked him a tiny bit, "muahahaha..."

Caught by surprise whilst examining the baguette, Spock squealed a little. A squeal that anyone would have previously thought could only come from a young girl."You!" he growled, glaring at him.

The Emperor fell to the ground laughing "Oh my gosh! You react even better than Vader! Bahahahahaha!" The Chef patted the baguette to calm it, "Please don't poke Quasimodo…"

"STEVEN! Theses men are guests on our terribly dangerous Bacon and Baguette monster inhabited planet, we must...," Vader suddenly trailed off as the helmet phone began to ring, "Hello?" "Gurgle" "Um, about that, we're on our way to make it now..." "Gurgle" "Fine, eat Calvin he does nothing anyway" "Gurgle" "Bye!," Vader said as the phone clicked, Um Emperor, we might have a slight problem..."

As he had done not too long ago, Spock bit his lip again./I must not get angry. I CAN'T get angry/ His knuckles turned white as he curled his hands into tightly packed fists. His body began to tremble and his face turned red. /So, I've been stuck on a ship with a complete idiot for six months, /six/ months and now I'm stuck with these goons?/ That was the final straw. Breaking a branch from a nearby tree he began to attack the Emperor with 's laughing now, hey, hey?" he yelled.

The Emperor managed to get up and ran behind his apprentice "HELP!" His anger kicked in and he began to shout, though he was clearly physically outmatched, "How dare you beat the Emperor of the galaxy with a stick!"

Spock chased after him, branch still in hand. "Oh, I dare!" he yelled, swinging at him hadn't noticed Sulu behind him, simply staring at the sky, and accidentally whacked him to the floor too.

"My master? Was it not you who provoked this chain of events?," Vader asked as he tore trees from the ground and made them circle him and his Emperor, "And besides, we have much larger... garbage disposal beasts to fry." As if in response to the insult a loud, "GURGLE," rang out across the planet.

Kirk shrieked at the noise. "What, my darkly clad friend was that?" he asked, looking at Vader with a petrified expression. The noise had also stopped Spock and his attack. Gasping, he looked around him. Sulu, still on the floor, continued to stare at the sky.

The Emporer looked at his aprentice indignantly, "I am old and senile, you know I can't be held responsible from my actions" The Chef facepalmed. The both suddenly looked up as the Gurgle sounded..."Vader...What was that?" asked the old man cautiously…

"Um... well..., the Garbage Disposal.. Bea..." "Gurg..." "DEATHSTARIANS!," He said before the gurgle could be finished, "Are a little angry at our prolonged departure, they want their apple butter and they want it now." The trees then fell to the ground as Vader rushed to the Chef, "Chef, old buddy old pal, how much longer will it be till she's ready to fly?"

The Chef began flailing wildly, "As soon as we can stop the insanity and get ON!" This being said he hoped on, reigns in hand, and waved them over. He then turned to the trekies, "Come with me if you want to live!"

"Your silence says it all," Vader exclaimed as he hoped up onto the baguette beside Sam as the sound of the bacon monsters came over the treetops, "I wish you a happy demise and a safe trip to the big Fancy French Baguette Room in the sky!" As he buckled his seat belt he waved at the trekies, "Punch it Chefie!"

"Hya!" cried the Chef raising the four of them into the air "Go Quasi go!" The Baguette flew obediently into the air and soon enough they were home. "Good Quasi! Here's some bacon!," he said as he snatched the piece out of the Emperor's pocket and threw it to the baguette monster. "Hey!"The Chef reached over and shook him, "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS MAN!" "Be my guest..."

"TO THE LAB! I MEAN, TO THE KITCHEN!," Vader said as he grabbed Sam's hand and raced off through the hanger bays into the deserted halls towards the kitchens and their newly added Apple Butter vats. "Sir? What if the Garbage Disposal DeathStarians have infiltrated the kitchen and deprived us of the other Apple Butter making supplies?," Sam asked before he was smacked. "Optimism Sam, optimism!"

The Chef skidded into the kitchen and grabbed all the sugar he could get, "To the Vats!"

Vader burst through the doors to the vats and hurriedly begun flinging the apples into them straight from Sam's backpack. "Um... Sir? Shouldn't you peel and quarter those?" "Please Sam, they inhabit the garbage disposals, I don't think they need perfectly made apple butter, besides, it's a high source of fiber."

The Chef began pouring in whole bags of sugar, and in a matter of about 3 minutes they had all the ingredients in to be mixed, "Vader set the mixer to ludicrous speed!

"Sam set the mixers to ludicrous speed," Vader said as he popped his mechanical knuckles and pulled a pair of goggles over his helmet. "As you wish, Lord Awesome," Sam said as he turned the dial and the mixer slowly started up. "Prepare to make the jump to ludicrous speed!," Vader said as the mixer spun more rapidly...

The Chef and Emperor both hung onto the railings next to the vats. "Oh My God! The Mixer's gone... PLAID!," cried the old man. "OK! TURN IT OFF!," called the Chef.

"AS YOU WISH!," Sam cried as he fought against the vortex to reach the dial, suddenly a loud crunch sounded, "Um... I THINK I BROKE THE DIAL!" Vader facepalmed as he activated his suction cup boots and made his way to the dial, "WE'LL HAVE TO FORCE AN EMERGANCY SHUT..." He was cut short by the sound of a Garbage Disposal Beast getting it's tentacle caught in the mixer causing it to stop.

The entire station stopped with a huge jerk and the Emperor was only saved from falling into the vats by the Chef's quick hand. Slowly he looked in and saw the mangled remains of a Garbage Disposal DeathStarian. "Woah…," he turned to Vader, "...Now what?"

Vader managed to pick himself up off the floor and remove the suction cup that had attached itself to Sam's helmet, "Um... I'm not sure... perhaps we serve it to them anyways?" Sam then leaned over the vat to take a look, "Um... it's not there anymore?" "WHAT?," Vader rushed over and looked into the empty vats, "Gooood, now we just have to wait for the explosive powder I added to take effect..."

The Chef jerked his head up to look at Vade, " HOW LONG HAS MY SUGAR REALLY BEEN EXPLOSIVE POWDER!" He'd been doing a lot of baking lately, not that he himself had actually gotten to eat any but still...

"2... maybe 3 weeks tops," Vader responded as he looked hopefully into the garbage disposal, "We must be ready for an event such like this at any moment, but don't worry it was only the bags you just got, except for last week, poor Joshua..." Then all of a sudden a loud gurgle sounded before a loud BOOM filled the air and smoke billowed out of the garbage disposal, "GOT EM'!"

The Chef fell flat on his back in relief "We did it" he sighed completely content, "We finally-" suddenly he sat straight up, "THANKSGIVING DINNER!"

As if the word dinner was a magic summoning charm, the hanger bays suddenly filled with TIE-Fighters and Stormtroopers as they rushed into the cafeteria. "Um... o.k., montage speed?," Vader said as he turned to face Chef.

"Credit montage or normal montage? 'Be Our Guest' either way?," the Chef said grinning big inside his helmet.

"Hmm... let's go with credit montage, Lumiere?," Vader asked the candelabra on the counter. "On your word monsieur," he replied. "Let's wrap this mother up!," Vader said as he spun and transformed into beautiful mauve garments, "Hit it Sam!" At that the candelabra started singing as the montage began and the credits rolled.

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And so we end the first off Death Star RP and the longest one so far,

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

What has happened to Dr. Fragglehorn?

What about Barney and Wilkins?

What about this new plot, where is it at?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment... hopefully...

Rate, comment, review...


	8. Part VIII: Story Time

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part VIII...

(A.K.A. The Story Of Mr. Chef)

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is an oddity for this story as it is created by only me, but uses the characters you know and love from the previous chapters. It kind of goes more indepth into the character of Chef and is meant to be just a filler page while we work on others plot.

O.k., the way this one ends is a kind of set up for another plot so... We haven't started oon that plot yet, but hopefully soon... Read on... readers, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review...

* * *

All was quiet on the Death Star Vr. 78.2843 as it orbited the forest moon of Endor. The small, teal, mildly deformed space station carrying it's "precious" (If one consider that old hag known as the Emperor "precious") cargo through the gravitational pull provided by the moon. Somewhere in space a cantina band played a melodic tune that could not ever hope of reaching the vacuum trapped battle station of death and doom!

However deep within the depths of the station, past cell block 9,000,003, through the Hall of Vader's Portraits, beyond the Indoor Swamp of Bubbles, through the Large Metal Doors of Cookery, the Chef was busy cleaning apple butter stains off of the walls in the Room Of Big Giant Overly Difficult To Operate Apple Butter Mixing Vats. "Barnabus? Remind me again why as Mr. Wilkins helper, you are not helping me clean up this amazingly unusual mess which is partly your fault for feeding the beasts my experimental Brain Food?," asked the Chef to the Stormtrooper busy coloring a coloring book drawing of Darth Vader fuchsia.

"Um…," Barnabus replied as he made the light saber of the paper Vader a nice shade of bubblegum pink, "You said you'd tell me a story if I helped and so, I'm not gonna help until I get my story!"

"Fine Barbabus!," the Chef said as he flung the ShamWow he was using into a bucket that promptly bubbled before exploding in a plethora of rainbow colored confetti and bubblegum, "You want a story, well here's your story…"

"What kind of story?," Barnabus asked as he hastily shoved the bubblegum into the mouth of his helmet, only to find out it didn't open.

"How about my life's story, is that good enough?," the Chef asked as he lead the way through a door into a small room with a rocking chair in the corner and a mat on the floor. "Yeah sure…," Barnabus said before trailing of at the sight of the white walls, "What is this place?" "This Barnabus, is the Flashback room of Wonder and Magic," the Chef replied in his most over-the-top, super-duper goody two-and-a-half-shoes grandma voice.

"Did someone say flashback?," Vader said as he poked his head out of the vent in the ceiling, "I was just creeping through the vents you know, making sure no one was talking about me, checking up on employee productivity, and whispering things at Steven from the sky." "IT WAS YOU WHO'S BEEN DOING THAT?," The Emperor said as he walked in through the door, "I thought it was my old master come back from the floating coffin in space we put him in. Vader then dropped down as Wilkins, Lumiere, and Cogsworth made their way inside and sat down on the mat, Wilkins pausing every few seconds to squirt Windex in Cogsworth clock face before wiping it clean.

"Yes I did Lord Vader, now if you please take your seat I would like to get started," the Cheff said as he went to sit in the rocking chair only to find it occupied by the Emperor, "Um… Sir? Your in my seat." "I don't see your name on it anywhere," The Emperor replied as he leaned back, "Bsides I'm old, I can't be expected to sit on the cold, hard, Barnabus contaminated floor." "Oh really?," the Chef asked before pushing the back of the chair and flinging the Emperor out of it onto the maroon mat decorated with all sorts of large multi-colored shapes. "FINE!," the Emperor called indignantly, "BUT I GET THE BLUE TRIANGLE! CRACKERJACKS ARE MY FAVORITE SHAPE!," he yelled as he took his spot atop the triangle while the others stared questioningly at him.

"O.k., well now that that little episode is over it's time to get back to the story at hand, my life…," the Chef said as he settled into his rocking chair. "YOUR life? HA!," Wilkins laughed as he stood up and exited the room, "I'll be back later, I'm gonna go kill flies with… I mean clean the windows." "Master? Aren't the only windows onboard in your throne room?" "Yes, but he's… different, he's different." "O.k. then on to the story…," the Chef said as the air around them wavered slightly, "It al began when they discovered I was special…"

"YOU WERE SPECIAL?," Barnabus exclaimed as the bubble of pretty pictures that had been settling in around them popped and multi-colored beauty splattered around. "Yes, Barnabus," the Chef replied as Barnabus raised his hand, "No not special like you I had a talent… I know your talent is blowing things up and annoying Wilkins, but mine was more beneficial to life… Yes I was able to cook, now can we get back to the story? No, you can not use the restroom… Good, now… It began when they first realized I was special…"

"I was born on Kamino in the small town of Clone Central, I went to Clone Central High School, Home Of The Droids, and excelled in the Home Ec. Course that was mandatory for all clones to take during their high school carrier. Once I graduated I was approached by the Prime Minister at the time, Llama Moo, who offered me a once in a lifetime chance to train under the rising chef Paula Dean on Naboo. Naturally I leapt at the chance to get away from this rain soaked planet, to work under my idol, to be safe from the war, and, perhaps most of all, meet the queen. No Barnabus, not the Queen of England… Not Narnia either, No not Queen Latifah either, Queen Patricia of the Naboo.

"And so I packed my bags posthaste and departed from Kamino before the sun… well the sun doesn't really exist too much on Kamino, so in light of this let's just say it was sometime between midnight and midnight when I left the planet behind me and journeyed towards Naboo. Which if you've never been to Naboo involved several flight transfers, a delay in Fort Kan on Tatooine, Christmas in a Shuttle Terminal, and several hours of watching Teletubbies on baby television screens.

"I arrived on the planet and was immediately greeted by a random guy and led to the kitchens where I met Paula Dean. As a present, the Southern (Southern part of where I'm not sure, I think maybe Coruscant) got me a Wampa from the ice world of Hoth, I named her Princess Priscilla and kept her in the storage room.

"However, one day we got a call from the Queen's office that Paula was to be inpspected for excessive use of butter in her dishes. In her haste to hid the evidence she swept all of the butter saturated goods into Princess Priscilla's bowl. Little did Paula know that high levels of butter are toxic to Wampas and Princess Priscilla died that night only moments before the queen arrived.

"Queen Patricia smiled at me when she entered and the net night we were eloping in a small lake side villa. The next few months passed and we were blessed with our first son Spence and another Princess Priscilla, as well as the news that Patricia was pregnant with a girl, she was to be named Clarice, but sadly things were shattered in our perfect little world with the arrival of the Emperor and my forced draft into the Imperial Fleet. I was placed in Vader's Battalion and Princess Priscilla the Second was shocked to death due to the Emperor's strict 'No Pets' rule."

""THAT'S A LIE! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF THAT I SHOCKED PRINCESS PRISCILLA TO DEATH!," The Emperor shouted as the fragile bubble of picture popped once more and the Emperor rose to his feet pointing at the Chef. "What about these photos taken of you shocking her on the alleged day? And these eyewitness accounts of the event? And this DNA sample on of the wounds showing that your lightning was in fact responsible?," the Chef asked as he pulled the folder out of his apron. "Hmmm… Can I see that folder?," the Emperor asked before it was handed to him where it suddenly caught on fire, "OOPS! Looks like all you evidence got destroyed. Bad luck!"

If looks could kill, or at least maim, the one focused on the Emperor from behind Chef's helmet would have had the old man twitching and sporadically shouting "BAGUUETTES!" But alas, looks can't kill, and so the Emperor sat back down on his blue triangle as the chef cleared his throat and activated the flash back again…

"Where did I leave off… Oh, that's right… And so I was off to fight the good guys across the galaxy under the new alias Captain Von Awesomesauce. It was at his point in my life when I was left to fend for myself on the planet of Hoth whilst I awaited Admiral Piett's comand. Whilst on the planet I found a Wampa and named her Princess Priscilla the Third, however I couldn't send anything back to Naboo until after the battle so I hid her in an ice cave. However Priscilla the Third was a crafty little snow beast and ended up escaping and bringing back a young Rebel. I couldn't stay to get rid of him properly so I left her to take care of him herself.

"When I returned from the Wal-Mart I found Priscilla laying in the snow dead and missing an arm, as I stared at her, I realized that I could never let another creature die like this. I made then a credo to never kill another beast so long as I lived. But, the next day I stumbled across some random guy's dead Taun-Taun, and I mean it had already been gutted by someone, so why not take it and make some stew? And so Lord Vader arrived on… No, Barnabus I did not say Lord Voldemort, no he's not going to use the killing curse on you, no, no, 12, 56, Lady Gaga, 12 Barnabus 12! 34%, really? Any more questions? Good…

"Anyways, Lord Vader.. Yes you… NO BARNABUS! NOT LORD VOLDEMORT! I WILL NOT CALL HIM HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED!…," the Chef yelled before the delicate bubble popped and the lights inside the room went out, "Good Force, whee did the lights go? So help me Emperor, if your using your electrical powers to scare me, I will put Womp Rat Poisoning in your tea tomorrow!" The lights flickered then and a cold feeling set in, as if all hope had died, "Don't worry Chef, I trained at Hogwarts before becoming a JedI. EXPECTO PATRONUM!," Wilkins called from the door as the room was filed with bluish light and the lights flickered back on.

"Thank Force that's over with, now can we please get back to the story? That's what I thought. Anyways, the Dark Lord, no not that one Barnabus, arrived on the planet seeking food and I happened to have a pot of Taun-Taun stew and cinnamon buns in my quaint little ice cave, and if I do say so myself my Taun-Taun stew is the best around. But what really matters is that Lord Vader raved about my stew all night, even if I did sneak a little bit of… oops forgot you were here Vader… and I managed to convince him to allow me two things. First, allow me to send a Wampa I had found and named Princess Priscilla the Third Jr. back to my family on Naboo, little Spence and Baby Clarice would be so happy, and second, allow me refuge in the kitchens of the Death Star until I died in a terrible explosion resulting from Barnabus' failures.

"And I believe that brings us up to date with my life…," the Chef said as the bubble burst once more and the lights lit up to show the gathered displaying various looks of sadness. Wilkins had returned to the room after the Voldemort fiasco and was now clutching Vader tightly as they both sobbed, shiny purple tears running down Vader's mask. The Emperor was sitting in the corner now watching a portable DVD player with tears in his eyes before he screamed, "NO! NOT DUMBLEDORE! HE WAS SO… YOUNG AND HANDSOME… AND YOUNG!" Barnabus stared up at Chef with puppy dog eyes, "Is Mrs. Chef still on Naboo with Spence and Clarice?" "Yes Barney, they're doing just fine, now are you going to clean out the vats?," the Chef asked as he stood up and walked to the door, "Where's Lumiere and Cogsworth go?" ""Oh, um… is the story over? Um yes, cough cough, I think they went to on Dr. Fraglehorn," Vader said as he stood up and approached the two by the door.

"MONSIEURS! MONSIEURS! He has escaped!," Lumiere exclaimed as he approached the door with a very worried Cogsworth on his heels. "Escaped? But that's impossible, we double locked the door, and sealed it with Scotch Tape, DARN IT!," Vader said before he rushed through the door with Wilkins and the Emperor on the hem of his cape. Once, before they had left the room the Emperor caught the cloak and caused the Emperor to go flying through the kitchen while the other's disappeared. "DARN IT CHEF! I thought it was my turn to get a story?"

* * *

So how did you like that exciting expose into the Life and Times of Chef?

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

What's gonna happen to Fragglehorn now?

WHAT HAPPENED TO DUMBLEDORE? (Which if you've watched the movie should be easy enough to answer, if not, go watch it, now)

What about this new plot?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment... hopefully...

Rate, comment, review... PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!...


	9. Part IX: A Very Teal Star Christmas

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part IX...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast, any Lady Gaga or Elton John Songs. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopets, and is THE TEAL STAR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!. Now on to the participators...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Sam the PA Guy  
**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef, The Emperor  
**

O.k., so guess what? Did you guess? O.k., this is THE TEAL STAR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL PART 1, IT isn't the whole thing, the ice show will be coming later. So read on, and don't forget to rate , comment, and review... Oh and be on the look-out for "Troopers On Ice"...

* * *

Christmas Time was settled in on the Death Star Version 78.2843 (A.K.A. The Teal Star) and tons of preparations are being made. There's talk of an ice show, a fantastic dinner, and PRESENTS! And the Emperor has gone a tad bit overboard this year and has decided that it would add to their experience if they filled the hallways with white, fluffy snow. The chef suggested they use powdered sugar, but the Emperor would have none of that and proceeded to order three tons of Pure Hoth Snow. So now the hallways are piling up with the fluffy white stuff and Wilkins refuses to clean it up until after the Ice Show, something about the Emperor threatening to take away his Zamboni, and so the travel between rooms has been severally hindered. But on the plus side the indoor shopping mall is making tons of credits on their new, "EXPLODING REBEL DOLLS!" But enough about toys and snow and such, let's get on to the real story...

* * *

"Dahooo dores fahoo fores  
Welcome Christmas, Come this way,  
Fahoo fores, dahoo dores  
Welcome Christmas, Christmas Day"

Gently the Christmas music played through the vibrant walls of the Teal Star as the Stormtroopers rushed about pinning up garland, and flinging tinsel, and humming along to the nonsensical song of the Whos.

The Emperor was just walking down the hallway towards breakfast, it was almost Christmas, and he and Vader still had many plans to talk over, over a nice hot plate of cinnamon pancakes that was.

Vader walked down a narrow hallway, walked isn't the right word here, trudged through a knee high drift of snow on his way to the cafeteria was more like it. Sam was right behind him and fighting against the gale on his way for a nice cup of cocoa. "Sam, why are you not at your post?," Vader asked as he threw open the door and rushed inside the cafeteria followed by hundreds of stray flakes of snow as Sam rushed through the door and into the kitchens. "Steven, there are snow drifts on Hoth that are shallower then the snow in he hallways," Vader said as he rushed across the hall to the cloaked man. Sitting down across from his master he dug into the pancakes, only to have syrup run down his mask in his failed attempts. "Chef! Give me a cup of your Hot Cocoa!," Sam shouted from the kitchen.

The Chef, inside the kitchen, turned to his cooks, "Ready men?" They Eagerly nodded back. "Ok Then! Here we go!" The Chef suddenly flung open the door and a horde of cooks, dressed today as waiters, came out in tap shoes. How exactly they got their tapping noises on the snow covered floor is a mystery to all involved, but they did none the less. "Hot Hot," they sang. The Chef then picked up the tune, "Oh we Got it!" "Hot Hot" "Hey We Got it!" "Hot Hot" "Say we got it!" "Hot Chocolate!"

The Hot Chocolate plopped down in front of Sam without spilling a drop, as the song continued on it's way to the other tables.

"Here we only got one rule... Ahem, My master, what is it you wish to discuss, is it the new ice show?," Vader said as he tossed a script onto the table as the waiters rushed around.

"A little bit of... thank you Jonsie, and a tad bit of... I ASKED FOR THREE QUARTERS NOT FIVE EIGHTHS, GET ON THE BALL!," Dr. Rasputia Fragglehorn shouted as he bent over the main reactor in his experiment.

"Oh that's one of them!" The Emperor said as he picked up the script, "There's also this issue of the Troopers...they seem to be calling you things behind your back..." Here he looked around, "I think they're writing a song about it... I'm not sure. ALSO, have you seen any signs of Fragglehorn?," his eyes grew wide with the thought. An intrusion from Fragglehorn could ruin the entire day...

"Just a little to the... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!," Fragglehorn said as the choir took over and he stood up beside the reactor, "Welp, best be going."

"I've not seen him for days, and as for the Troopers, let them have their day in the metaphorical sun," Vader said as he wiped syrup from his mask.

"Chef, that was great, but... 'I really can't stay...," Sam sang to the Chef as he gazed longingly out the service window.

"Oh, but BABY it's cold outside..." Said the Chef shivering to himself. It really WAS cold out there, it couldn't be more than twenty degrees.

"I got to go 'way," Sam sang back as he took another sip of the cocoa.

"Do you hear singing, and angelic choir accompaniment to a dastardly deed?," Vader asked as he tossed the plate at the wall. As it shattered against the stainless steel a voice, that was not Sam's, crackled over the PA, "ATTENTION! UM... YOU KNOW THAT EVIL DOCTOR GUY, YEAH HE WAS JUST SEEN ON IN THE THRONE ROOM, THANK YOU! WE ARE NOW ON DOCTORCON 5, OUR HIGHEST READINESS LEVEL! GET YOUR PIES READY BOYS HE'S VULNABRLE TO BOISONBERRY AND MINCE MEAT!"

The Emperor pushed himself up form the table, "Vader, we've got to stop him, he could ruin the entire ice show, topple the tree, DESTROY the turducken dinner, STEAL THE PRESENTS!" he said beginning to flail his arms in a most comedic fashion.

The Chef looked out the service window, "Yeah but BABY it's cold outside..."

"NO! NOT THE PRESENTS MASTER! ANYTHING, BUT THE PRESENTS!," Vader wailed as he stood up and grabbing a tray ran towards the door. Throwing it open he cast the tray down and jumped on it before pushing off and flying down the hall.

"This evening has been...," Sam sang as he joined Chef at the window.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... KATHUNK," Vader screamed before he hit the throne room door.

"Oh! Been hoping that you'd drop in," Continued the chef going to the fridge to bringing out a small muffin.

The Emperor followed Vader and looked down pathetically at him, "Could have planed that a little better don't you think Vader?" he said amused despite the fact that Fragglehorn was probably in there...STEALING CHRISTMAS or something...

"So very nice...," Sam said as he took the muffin.

"No Steven, I planned it quite well, my face isn't wrinkled because I underestimated the only black Jedi ever!," Vader exclaimed as he stood up and threw open the door to find nothing, "Nothing, absolutely nothing, but the ice show supplies. The floor froze over quite... WEEEEELLLLLLL! CRASH!." Vader stood up from behind the throne, "I'm o.k.."

The Chef, looked down and saw the trooper's hands shivering and then, though you couldn't see it behind his helmet got a grin on his face and took the muffin back for a moment. He'd just put it in the fridge a minute or so before Sam had showed up so it was still quite warm. He held it up around his face and added in an odd little voice as the Muffin danced around, "I'll hold your hands they're just like ice!"

"Vader will start to worry," Sam sang as he eyed the Chef suspiciously at the fact he wanted to touch his hands. Were they really that cold, he asked himself as he placed his right palm on his cheek.

"Steven! You never told me that you had the throne made out of aluminum, it's slightly bent," Vader called as he turned the throne to show a large, Vader shaped, dent in the back.

The Emperor stared at his chair and his eyes grew wide as Christmas cookies, "That was SOLID STEEL!," he exclaimed as his hands flew up to press themselves against the sides of his head. He pointed an accusing finger at his apprentice, "You sir have been having far too many sweets! I bet you're the one who stole my cake!" He shook his head rapidly though, it didn't really matter, they still had to find Fragglehorn... Or at least Sam...Both of whom seemed to have gone missing...

The Chef facepalmed at the thought of the Emperor's handiwork outside, "Beautiful." He looked up at Sam honestly curious, in case something was wrong..."What's your hurry?"

"The Emperor will be pacing the floor...," Sam sang as he took the muffin and nibbled on it.

"I DID NOT STEAL YOU DOUBLE FUDGE TRIPLE RASPBERRY RAZZLE-DAZZLE EXTRAVAGANZER CAKE STEVEN! I think it was Frank the Night Guy," Vader said as he turned the chair back around, "So, um... the ice show, must go on!"

The Emperor threw his hands in the air "It Can't go on yet! We haven't gone through HALF the songs that the Great Supreme Being Marley gave me on this list yet! And John Williams is still away in his cell! See?" He shouted giving Vader a piece of paper.

The Chef turned an ear to his warming stove, "Listen to the new oven roar." he said cocking an ear.

"Really I'd better scurry...," Sam sang smiling at the stove before turning towards the door.

"Then we'll have to go and fetch him," Vader said as he took the paper, scanned it, and then pumped full of Force lightning, he promptly burst into flames, "Good force man, always making excuses, no wonder it took you so long to win the Clone Wars. Should we fetch Elton as well..." "ELTON JOHN?," screamed a Stormtrooper from the catwalk before he fell into the Main Reactor. "There goes Johnny...," said Vader.

The Emperor began to flail his arms and shout," It's not MY fault it's Supreme Beings Marley and Bug's I SWEAR! And besides, I HAD to wait to win the Clone Wars because if I'd won them any earlier you would have still been a whiney little teenager and of absolutely NO use to me… I mean... ... ... ... ... ... . . . IT WAS SUPRIEM BEING GEORGES FAULT I SWEAR!" he then proceeded to drop both arms.

"Don't be blaming the Supreme Beings, the last time you did that we lost the entire Billiards Room to a fire. Now come on, off to the Crocodile Room...," Vader said as he led the way off through a secret path behind the salvaged pool-table.

"Maybe just half a drink more...," Sam said as he inspected his empty cocoa cup.

The Emperor sighed but grumbled to himself, "No doubt they had those two French Pyro's with them when that happened..." Reluctantly though he followed his large apprentice to the Crocodile Room where, it appeared, some music was coming from within.

The Chef picked up the pot of hot cocoa and continued, "Put some records on while I pour," he said with a friendly gesture to some vinyl's.

"I remember when rock was young, me and Suzie had so much fun, holding hands and skimming stones...," came a voice from within the room with a crocodile painted on it. "I'll take care of Elton, you get John Williams and the LSO, they're abnormally quiet today...," Vader said as he opened the door, "Great we'll need a crane for the piano!"

"The troopers might think...," Sam said as he broke a record in half and tossed it behind him into a pot of soup. Before he could do anything the soup's maker arrived and tasted it before saying, "MMMMM, tomato and vinyl soup," and carrying it off

The Chef was about to ask why Sam had just broken a record in half and which one it was when and icy wind blew open the door. He leaped over and shut it exclaiming, "BABY it's bad out there!"

The Emperor arrived at the cell blocks a few moments later, and took out his keycard mumbling absently to himself, "Alright Mr. Williams out you…" He stopped and stared as he realized both the LSO's cell and Mr. Williams Private cell were completely empty. Not even bothering to drop his keycard back in his pocket he was running back to the Crocodile room at top speed. "VAAADDEEEERRRR!"

"O.k., move it over to the left, no the right, more to the... CRASH! Perfect!," Vader called as the crane brought the piano straight through the wall completely unscathed and with it's pianist still singing and playing... LAAAAAAA lalalalaaaaa..." "What is it Steven? Take them up to the throne room…"

"Say what's in those drinks?," Sam asked as he tossed another broken record onto a tray of rolls.

The Emperor rushed up to his apprentice arms flailing yet again...it seemed to be a habit that day. "VADER! Williams- and the LSO… (Here he stopped for air , his hands on his knees and the breaths coming in ancient heaves.) Finally he recovered, "…They're GONE! G-O-N-E!" The Emperor was in a bigger panic then he had been in the Supreme Being argument. IF they couldn't find the LSO, there would be No Music for the Ice Show besides Elton and he only wrote for ONE movie! Unless they could somehow pull out Alan Menkin, and an orchestra they were doomed! DOOMED I SAY!

The Chef continued, "Hey what're you doin' o'er there"

"It must be those rebellious Rebels, they've stolen him thinking they'll have an advantage in the upcoming battle," Vader exclaimed as the crane backed up. It really was terrible, for the Emperor, who couldn't spell Evil to save his life, only spelled things out when it was of an absolute emergence! "We'll just have to go on without them, the rebels will bring him back once they find out we tagged him."

The Emperor's eyes grew as wide as the Chef's records, (which he had no idea were now in pieces) "But, but...HOW? WE can't put on an entire ice show with JUST a piano! I mean...I might know where to get Alan Menkin, but where are we going to find someone to replace the LSO! ...Unless…," the Emperor thought hard for a moment. He puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore, then the Gri-Errr… Emperor thought of something he hadn't before, "MAYBE we can get the TSO!" he shouted with glee.

"Perhaps, and then what about Danny Elfman? And we'll call in Tim Rice and Cher, and it'll be a Spectacle as never before," Vader exclaimed as he whistled and the newly painted Vadermobile pulled up with it's shiny new black and red pinstripes.

"I wish I knew how...," Sam said as he nommed on a record and blueberry muffin.

"Yeah!" Shouted the Emperor liking this idea supremely "Wait!" he said as his face fell, "That there's a list from Supreme beings Marley and Bugs...how do we find out if they approve?" He thought again for a moment before throwing all safety and sanity out the window and shouting towards the ceiling, "HEY GUYS WHADDYA THINK!

Here the Chef could stand the silliness no longer, "WHY?"

"ENOUGH WITH THE SUPREME BEINGS THING! There is no possible way that someone is sitting and typing this out whilst we do they're biding!," Vader said before a bolt of lightning sprung forth from the shiny metal ceiling and zapped him, "Touche!" Vader then tumbled over as a note floated down that read as follows... "The Supreme Beings are pleased with your choices, we also wish to thank you for he fruit basket and Fancy Swiss Cheese.. Signed, The Supreme Beings.

"Why what, Chef?," Sam said as he tossed the muffin behind him, where it knocked Jeffrey down the up escalator for hours, and picked up a carrot, "What's up Doc?"

The Chef snatched the carrot out of the PA guy's hand "WHY are you destroying my RECORDS? And...where did this song come from anyways?

The Emperor couldn't help but stand and laugh for a few minutes. "I WIN!" A rumble of thunder sounded nearby, causing him to duck and look carefully towards the ceiling, "YOU win, sorry you win," he said with a large fake smile. He then helped his apprentice off the floor and began giving direction, "Quick, we've got to find Sam, he's got all the phone numbers... he says he doesn't trust me with them..."

"What records?," Sam laughed as he had the strange feeling people were looking for him, "And what song? I don't hear a song, do you?

"After the Rosie O'Donnel Fiasco I don't blame him," Vader said as he started the Vadermobile and shook off the memory of that faithful night when Steven had prank called the poor women, "And then there's the Chuck Norris Affair." The Vadermobile then drove away.

The Emperor shook his head furiously, "NO! I NEVER want to talk about the Norris Affair AGAIN!" He shuddered, "I shall be forever humbled by that round house kick..." How anyone could kick him THROUGH the PHONE LINE he would never know...and never forget.

The Chef was indeed staring at Samuel quite oddly, "What do you MEAN what records" The one's you SMASHED!" He looked at a shard, "YOU SMASHED THE BEATLES?" he looked again, "LET IT BE MAN! And you can't deny the fact that you were singing." he said with a glare and a point.

"It is quite a marvel of modern technology," Vader agreed as he drove the Vadermobile through the door to the kitchen, "SAMMY WE'RE HOME! Well not technically home, we're in the kitchens, but that doesn't matter..."

"Beatles? I distinctly remember crushing a cockroach, which you seem to have a surplus of," Sam said, "And you were singing to young sir!

The Chef's Face was turning red under his helmet, "How… DARE YOU SIR?" he shouted, "MY KITCHEN IS AS CLEAN AS THE DAY IT WAS REMADE! And I was, but I was meddling around and NOT breaking things!"

The Emperor nodded and was about to ask Sam for the phone numbers when he saw the Chef. He turned to his apprentice, "What's all this?"

"I DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING OF IMPORTANCE!," Sam shouted as he stirred his cocoa with a sliver of an old Elvis record.

"I'm not sure sir, maybe you should ask the 'Supreme Beings'," he snickered before his glove caught on fire, "GOOD FORCE! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?" "Perhaps all the hand sanitizer you use caught a spark?," ventured Sam as Vader plunged the burning glove into a pot of dishwater.

The Emperor shook his head, "I try to tell you my apprentice but you just DON'T listen."

The Chef's anger fell, "I'm talking about the cockroach comment, and those WERE of importance thank you,!" he said snatching the shard of Elvis. "That was my ONLY recording of Jailhouse rock!," he said with a small whimper.

"COCKROACHES? THERE ARE COCKROACHES HERE?," Vader exclaimed as he clambered onto the roof of the Vadermobile, "Oh, merciful, SUPREME BEINGS! I AM SORRY I DID NOT BELIEVE!" Just then a box of Twinkies floated down from the lights and landed before him, "Thank you," he gasped.

"Jailhouse Rock, please! Just get some Crocodile Rock on iTunes," Sam retorted as he sipped more cocoa.

The Chef turned to Vader, "NO THERE ARE NOT! But SAM here said there were and there AREN'T!" He Turned back to Sam, "I Can't believe I had a Duet with you!," he picked up a pot holder and smacked him with it, "Get… OUTTA MY KITCHEN!"

The Emperor stared Dumbfounded, "HEY!," he shouted indignantly, "I never got a box of Twinkies!" A small note proceeded to fall from the sky, that read: "IOU"

"Oh, well... I'm very disappointed in you Sammy, as soon as you give me all the fancy people's numeros, go to your announcement deck, and don't come out until your shifts over," Vader said as he clambered down off the Vadermobile. "Yes, Dark Lord Awesome," Sam said as he pulled out the large black book, handed it to the Emperor and then trudged off into the snow embankment outside the door.

The Chef was really quite astounded, he'd never seen Sam act like that before...it was all rather odd.

The Emperor flipped open to the T section, "Ok..." he said browsing, "Taco Bell, TLC, TNT...Ah here we are TSO!" He dialed the number on the Chef's phone and quickly handed it to Vader. Him not being trusted with the phone it had really become a habit to dial and hand it off to someone else.

"Hello? Why yes this is the dashing Dark Lord... oh i see... well you didn't really need that tuba, did you? Oh. Well I was calling to ask... Yes I have the nerve... we'll if you want us to use the MSO... Oh you will, good, we'll send a shuttle immediately," the dark lord said before hanging up the phone, "They've agreed to play the show, Sam will send a shuttle immediately." "Yes sir!"

The Emperor Clapped his hands excitedly, "Oh goodie! Now… let's see, He flipped to the M section, "Marvin the Martian, Matrix main frame...What? Never mind, McDonald's, Mickey Mouse, Oh here we go! Menkin!" The Process repeated.

"I'm sorry the person, ALAN MENKIN, can not be reached at the current time, if you would like to speak with him, contact you local psychic or hold a séance...," replied an electronic voice from the other end. "Um... master, I think Alan Menkin is dead, or at least deceased," Vader said as he handed the phone back, "Moment of silence?" Everything, even the screaming of the tortured rebels and the gurgling of the Womp Rat Stew, was silenced, before the sounds flooded back and Vader looked at his master.

The Emperor flailed around a bit, "But...but...BUT!" He thought for a moment, and pulled an old VHS out of his pocket, then can we get ,Steven Swartz or Howard Ashman?"

"What about Tim Rice?," Vader ventured as Sam made his way back to the announcement deck. The snow was however proving a terrible hindrance and as he passed the escalator that went down to the mall, he saw several Stormtroopers sledding down the slopes, or practicing for the ice show in the skating rink.

With a snap of his fingers, the Emperor's eyes lit up like Christmas lights, "DO it man!" he cried in joy.

"Tony the Tiger, Thomas the Tank Engine, you know Thomas? Never mind... Tommy Pickles, Tina Turner, TGI Fridays, Tim The Toolman Taylor, TIM RICE!," Vader said as he dialed rapidly, "Hello... yes sir... please sir... right away sir... he's here sir... writing songs sir... thank you sir..." He then hung up the phone and pressed the shuttle launch button, "He'll be here within the hour."

The Emperor clapped again, "Good! Then we should be...all set... for the…" He stopped slowly as he heard some odd music coming from the Stormtroopers outside the order window, "You're a Mean one, Mister V. You Really Are a heel!"

"Your as cuddly as a wampa, and as sour as dill, Mister V...E! Your a bad banana with a, greasy black peel!," sang the troopers as Vader started up the Vadermobile. "Hurry up and get in Steven, if we hurry we can catch them on the patio! Chef, you get the broom we'll have a lot of bodies to sweep under the rug today!," Vader said as Sam rushed in and got in the Vadermobile. "Shift's over, let's go!"

The Emperor got into the golf cart laughing all the way, "HA! I TOLD YOU!"  
The Chef meanwhile was just beginning to wonder how many songs were gong to be squeezed into this thing. "Just face the music, you're a monster Mr. V. Yes you are. Your hearts an empty hole! Your brain is full of womp rats, you've got red spice in your soul Mr. V...E. I wouldn't touch you with a 49 and a half foot pooooollll!

"Shut up Steven! You know nothing!," Vader exclaimed as he brought the Vadermobile around to face the Stormtroopers who's eyes grew wide before they dissolved and reappeared on a patio. "Your a vile one, Mr. V, You've got targets on your back! You have all the tender sweetness of a sand-sick Sarlacc, Mr. V...E. And given the choice between you, I'd take the sand-sick Sarlacc!"

The Emperor just cackled as they zipped along.

"You're a foul one, Mr. V. You're a nasty-wasty skunk! Your heart is full of unwashed cloaks, your brain is full of gears, MR. V...E! Suddenly a large Trooper with a voice deeper than Frollo's stepped forward. "The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, 'Stink. Stank. STUNK!'"

"I don't smell do I?," Vader said as he lifted his arm to Sam who fell back unconscious, " Well it's hard to bathe when your 87% metal and robotics." He then rushed straight into the triangular shaped group of Stormtroopers who went flying in all directions, "Get ready to sweep up the trash, Chef!" He then circled the group and pushed a button throwing a nice Persian rug out the back of the cart.

The Chef obediently obliged and hung over the side of the cart dragging the broom along, "Where is Wilkins when you need him?," he muttered. For a moment they rode along in silence and then they heard something, it was quiet and slurred.. but it was there...

"You're a rotter, Mr.V! You're the king of sinful sots! Your heart's a dead tomato, splotched with moldy, purple spots, Mr. V...E!"

Vader scowled through the mask before snapping his fingers and a loud crunch sounded near-by, followed by a mournful scream and the brush of a broom. The singing halted and Vader steered the cart towards the throne room. Of course he forgot about the ice and the cart slipped across the floor before Vader stopped it inches from a wall, "Airbags are a little late... POP!" The airbags then inflated.

The Emperor battled with his airbag, completely caught off guard despite his apprentices warnings, "DIE DIE YOU INHUMAN BEAST DDDIIIIIEEEE!"

The Chef sat and watched in amusement. You see he'd already been in a Vadermobile crash, and so, having kept his seat this time around was un-phased.

Stepping out of the cart Vader was just in time to see the next series of events. High above the main reactor Dr. Fragglehorn was suspended by a thin wire cable with llama-people holding the end. The Doctor was dressed in an angel costume and singing, "HARK! The Evil Doctor Sings, glory to my new found schemes!" Just then the llama-people let go to clap and the doctor fell into the reactor.

The Emperor, finished with his battle of epic proportions now, watched the Doctor fall in horror. The Chef did the same, silence enveloped them as the watched him plummet to his doom. At least...they THOUGHT it was his doom, but we'll get to that later.

Sam gulped as the light that radiated from the reactor after the Doctor's departure died down and hung his head as Vader walked towards a small stage in the corner were the TSO, Elton John, and Tim Rice had set up. "I'm sorry you had to see that, but he was sentenced to death any way," Vader said as he motioned for some troopers to chase down the fleeing llama-people, "WATCH OUT THEY SPIT!"

The Emperor shuddered back in the golf cart, "Wow.. just don't know what I'd do if I were ever in that situation...well... probably scream but..." He shuddered again.

"SO!," shouted the Chef, "Who want's some Christmas cookies," he said, rapidly trying to change the subject and offering a bag he'd had on him.

"YES PLEASE!," Sam exclaimed as he rushed over and extracted a Santa cookie from the bag. "STEVEN? Are you read to start the show?," Vader exclaimed, "Oh wait, Elton says he finished the song I asked him to write, do come over here and listen won't you?"

The Emperor, after taking a large Rudolph cookie obliged and came over to the small stage. "Ok Vader I'm here. What is it?," he said, Eating the poor cookies nose.

"Take it away Elton," Vader said as the man started to play. "It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside, I'm not one of those who can... easily hide... And you can tell everybody, this is your song, it may be quite simple but, now that it's done. I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind..." "I DO MIND!," Sam shouted as he walked up, "VADER! You said that song was for me!" "Did I? Oops."

The Chef stormed over, "I Can't Stand it another minute! What is with all these songs! It's like a Christmas special or something!" he said flailing and sending cookies everywhere.

Little did Chef know that this was in fact the Chaos on Deck: Christmas Special and that the madness had yet to come to an end. The Supreme Beings have more tricks of their sleves so stay tuned and keep on the lok-out for the exciting conclusion of this chapter with the exciting one chapter finale, "Troopers On Ice!"

* * *

And so we end part one of the chaos On Deck: Christmas Special,

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

What has happened to Dr. Fragglehorn?

What about Barney and Wilkins?

WILL THE ICE SHOW GO ON?

The answers to these questions and more in the next installment...

Rate, comment, review...


	10. Part X: Troopers On Ice

Welcome to, Chaos On Deck Part X...

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, the Death Star, these are all copyrights of LucasFilm Ltd. I also do not own any other references in the RP such as Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Hercules, Aladin, Monster's Inc., Lady and the Tramp, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Mulan, Mickey, Goofy, Voldemort, Sauron, A Christmas Carol, Fantasia, Brother Bear, Alice In Wonderland, Hunchback Of Notre Dame, and/or Elton John Songs. We also apologize to any movies, or trademarksa not listed here that are in the spoof and respectfully request that should you find one you notify others of it's presence and realize that it is the product of the company who owns it and not this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed below and I did on Neopets, and is THE TEAL STAR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!. Now on to the participators...

**Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Sam the PA Guy, Various Disney Characters  
**

**bugsbunny7117 - Chef, The Emperor, Various Disney Characters  
**

O.k., so guess what? Did you guess? O.k., this is THE TEAL STAR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL PART 2, this is it, The Ice Show, the set up for our AMAZINGLY NEW AND EXCITING STORY LINE, "In Disney We Trust!" So, be on the look out for that and enjoy the final chapter in Chaos On Deck. But definitely not the final chapter for this little ragtag group of Spoofers.

* * *

When last we left our could be heroes, The chef had revealed that this entire thing may be a Christmas special. In the horror that came from this revelation he threw his cookies in all general directions except for behind him, which is a quandary the tech team is still working on debunking. Now, is probably the best time to discuss a few things that happened after the cookies hit the fan, literally, but are not fully detailed in the rest of the story. First off, Bobbert and Chris were on catwalk 24-D when the incident occurred and saw the cookies fly in almost all directions. Bobbert, who had once lost his beloved ghost cookie to a very hungry Vader, jumped after two angel cookies in the hopes of saving them from the reactor(which they were headed straight for). However, Bobbert was never celebrated for his bravery as he misjudged the distance and ended up in the reactor, but more on what happened after he fell into the reactor later. As for Chris, he was celebrated not for saving cookies, but for saving Vader by jumping in the way of a Christmas Tree cookie and saving his Dark Lord's life, but ending his own. The rest of this story is dedicated to Chris, who boldly gave his life to save the Dark Lord who never cared.

* * *

"Christmas special?," Sam said as he looked up with puppy dog eyes, clutching a candy cane cookie in his hands. "The Supreme Beings never told you what would happen today..." "They told me enough, they told me you planned this!" "Yes Sam, I am the..." "NEXT CONTESTANT ONNNN THE EMPEROR IS ALWAYS MOSTLY RIGHT!" "O-M-G! I can not believe this, I mean, like when it first came out I was like...," Vader rambled on as he took off in a sprint towards the stage emerging from the far wall, "... I'M GONNA WIN THISSSSSSSSSSSSS... KATHUD, SCREECH, POOF!" "Never again Sam, never again," Vader whimpered as he looked up from behind the wrecked janitorial cart with a sponge feebly clinging to the Sith Lord's face as he fought to stand up, "WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE WINDEX? WE HAVE LIKE TWO WINDOWS!"

The Emperor laughed out loud, "Oh My Apprentice what am I going to do with you?," he said looking at the cart. "Hey isn't that janitor number six's?," he said with a tilt of his ancient head.

"I don't know SIR Emperor Von Evilstein!" "Really you've been knighted?..." "Shut up Sam! Your ruining my monologue," Vader said as he stepped up onto the stage and placed a hand on the podium. "What are you going to do?," he mocked, "Chain me to this podium? Shock me? FORCE ME TO COMPLY TO YOUR NIGHTMARISH IDEAL OF A GAME SHOW?" Suddenly his hands were chained to the podium and a small electric current was pulsing in his metal hands. "You know Sam? In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good ideal to chastise the closest thing our universe has to Lord Voldemort and Sauron," Vader said as Janitor 6 polished the railing of the catwalk, "But! We might as well play along whilst I can still stand on my mechanical legs." Janitor 6 then faded into nothingness as Sam stared wide-eyed at him.

The Emperor looked down at his hands for a moment, "I can electrocute people without even DOING anything now?" His grin took up his entire face and his eyes lit up like Christmas lights, "SWEET," he said hopping sideways into his throne. "Let the Games begin!"

"B-B-B-But, the ... and the ...," Sam stuttered as he handed the questions to the Emperor, "JANITOR 6 IS a Gh-Gh-Ghost!" "What Sam?" "He's a...," Sam started before he noticed the cart disappearing, "THE CART!" "Yes, Janitor 4 came and got the cart, now can we get on with this charade?" "B-B-But, the... I have got to stop having midnight Polar Express marathons with Chef."

The Emperor Stared at Sam, "What are you going on about? Stop it, you're going to freak people out. Pfft, Ghosts of Christmas, please! Don't tell me you believe in all that 'expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one' garbage, right?" He said, suddenly opening his eyes wider as a bell tolled in the background somewhere... "Hey did anyone else hear that?"

"I told you we'd be late!," a voice sounded from the main reactor as a bright light erupted from the reactor and a shadow was cast across the wall. "Hear what Master?," Vader said with a voice coated in sarcasm. "I DID!," Sam squealed from his position in the corner. "Oh shut up Sam, and stop being such a... buzzzzz!," Vader said as smoke floated off him.

The Emperor shuddered, and covered his eyes as the shadow covered the wall, "Who's there?, he called. "Vader! I don't want to look. Tell me who is? And what are they late for?," he said curling up in a small ball. As tough as he liked to seem, the Emperor was an unsalvageable coward at times.

"Why do I have to do it? Despite your cataracts you have decent eyesight...," Vader whined as another shadow flashed across the wall. "Please, I have never been late in my life..." "What about this little journey? What will you tell the Master when we are late returning, and on Christmas! The Master will not be pleased..." "Cogsworth, lighten up, what the Master does not know, can not hurt him."

The Emperor peaked between his fingers and relaxed visibly...in fact the tight little ball that was Palpatine suddenly and all at once melted into an exasperated sprawl. "Oh good grief...it's just you two, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE SUPREME BEING MARLY here to haunt me or something!"

"What the Master does not know? Why you... Supreme Being Marly?," Cogsworth asked as he stepped onto the metal around the reactor. "What a silly fairy tale," Lumiere stated as he too stepped out of the main reactor and the glow ebbed away. "Well now that we've solved that mystery without the aid of meddling kids and stuttering dogs, we really should get back to..." Suddenly a loud gasp sounded from the reactor and a flash of purple erupted from it followed by tendrils of blue and black smoke. A loud hiss then filled the air as the tendrils folded in and formed the shape of a person. Suddenly, fire shot up the form and a blue man with blue and white flames for hair stood in it's place, "Memo to me, memo to me, maim them after my meeting."

The Emperor was supremely baffled at the appearance of these figures. He recognized the clock and candelabra, sure they made regular appearances. But this other man, with the flaming hair, and the impressive attitude, he was new. And how on earth had he gotten there? He tilted his head and turned a questioning look to his apprentice.

"Don't look at me, your the sinner here, if he's coming for anyone it's YOU!," Vader yelled as the chains poofed in a cloud of blue smoke and Vader took off in a sprint towards the Emperor and slid across a patch of ice and into the throne. The blue guy face palmed and then turned to face the Emperor, "Wow, you certainly are a little... Older… and fatter… and more senile than I expected..." "RUN! RUN!," Cogsworth shouted.

Taking Cogsworth's advice and indulging the natural cowardice in his soul the Emperor fled as fast as he could. Screaming all the way. "SUPREME BEINGS ABOVE WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!" A rather large list floated down and smacked him in the face. The bottom read, "Love you though and we still owe you a box of Twinkies ~the Supreme Beings."

Running after his master, Vader found himself instead running on the list like a treadmill whilst his Master disappeared and Sam cowered behind a large cut-out of Vader. Suddenly the cut-out's head burst into flames as the blue man snapped his fingers. Lumiere and Cogsworth were hiding behind the throne whilst Vader faceplanted into a mound of snow, "I HATE YOUR SINS MASTER!"

The Emperor continued running, "I HATE THEM TOO!" He wheeled around a corner, and suddenly skidded to a halt and turned around, "WHERE'S THE CHEF!"The Chef meanwhile was sitting quite contentedly and nonchalantly on the edge of the Emperor's bed with a mug of hot chocolate.

"THEN REPENT YOU IGNORANT FOOL! REPENT BEFORE WE HAVE TO HIRE A NEW P.A. GUY AND WE HAVE TO SCRAPE MELTED GOLD AND CANDLE WAX OFF THE FLOOR!," Vader yelled as Sam cried out in terror as the cut-out slowly burned towards the floor and Hades advanced towards Vader. "The Master will not be happy..." "The Master? What about the King? "What will he say when..." "Shut UP!"

The Emperor fell to his knees "I REPENT SUPREME BEINGS! I REPENT!" and this being done Supreme Being Bugs, or as they call her in Scandinavia, Cachu Cachu, got out a flashlight and I MEAN- a great light shone down from the heavens and from somewhere off camera there came a few angelic chords singing, "And that's the Gospel Truth...

"On The Teal Star, life was neat and smooth as sweet vermouth. Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble, that's the gospel truth," came a voice from the reactor as dark tendrils of smoke shot out of it in all directions and grabbed onto the scruff of Hades' cloak, dragging him back as his hair disappeared in a puff. "Woah, woah, Is my hair out?" Suddenly everything went quiet as Hades disappeared.

The Chef finished his hot chocolate, and watched as the Emperor poked his newly repented head back into the throne room. "Vader?," asked the ancient being, "What WAS that?," he asked walking slowly back into his throne room and almost daring to pear down into the reactor... almost, he skittered away at the last second.

"I'fkad Surdjosdj," Vader mumbled as he heaved himself out of the snow drift and stared at his master with snow falling from the mouth of his mask, "I think it was..." "Hades, the Un-Official Ghost of Christmas Future, The King sent us to..." "King? Who said anything about there being a King? It was you wasn't it?," Cogsworth said interrupting Lumiere's story. "Sam, are you all right?" "YELP!," The P.A. Guy cried from behind the smoldering shoes of the cut-out.

"Hades You mean?... But... but wait a second, If... if those two are past and present and Hades was future then... Who was MARLY?" Another note floated down from heaven on it written only one word. "Duh." The Emperor scratched his head for a moment, "Vader I don't get it. Duh?"The Chef got up and helped Vader from his drift and coaxed Sam from behind the cut-out's ruins. "Are you two Ok?"

"Perhasp, ti measn... Yeah I have no idea... maybe Marly's the King," Vader ventured as he knocked some snow off his shoulder, "And I'm fine Chef." Suddenly a pop sounded above him and a letter floated down in to his hand, "Your Getting Warmer... The Supreme Beings." "Well, now you got me stumped!" "I'm perfectly fine Chef. Nothing that a few week with Dr. Fraggletail down in therapy won't help."

The Emperor looked to the Sky, "Guys I need another hint!" Another note floated down from the sky "our apologies on the tardiness." The Emperor looked to Vader again, bewildered beyond words for the umpteenth time that day.

"Well that's slightly counter productive," Vader said as he tore the paper from the Emperor's hands and shook it angrily at the ceiling, "Is this your idea of a joke?" Suddenly a piece of paper floated down and landed on Vader's helmet. Removing it he read aloud, "Dearest Vader, do not make us use the lightning again, we'll up the voltage this time. P.S. - Questions will be answered in time."

Palpatine shrugged "I'd listen Vader, Remember the last time?" He couldn't help but wonder who WAS Marly though. well. Jacob Marly at least. He'd seen Supreme Being Marly. He was nice enough. A little goofy, then again, at least he didn't hang around with a Crazy person in four different colors like Supreme Being Bugs...

"We'll either way the reveal should be a truly 'en-lightning' experience," Vader smirked as a small note floated down that read, "HA!" "I think they find it funny..." "Don't get conceited Jerome thought that too, he's not with us anymore, but..." "GWARSH!" "So help me, if the next person out of that reactor is Goofy, I will storm him like a teenage girl meeting Justin Bieber," Vader said flatly.

Palpatine looked at the rea- Wait... He turned to Vader and stared. He started to speak a few times but he never quite succeeded. Finally he managed something articulate, "Why...And of all the comparison's to make...Vader why?"

"I thought it was the most accurate for the amount of excitement I will feel if the next person out of that reactor is Goofy dressed like Jacob Marly," Vader said as another, "Gwarsh," sounded and a flash of purple filled the room as a piggy bank with a chain attached landed on the grate around the reactor.

Palpatine shook his head, not quite comprehending why his apprentice would be so excited to see Goofy in a Jacob Marly costume...it wasn't like it was Simba or anything. Now Simba, Simba is awesome, if he ever saw Simba he'd scream like a little Chef was listening to this conversation, knowing that the Emperor liked Simba, and was rather feeling that it might be interesting to meet some of the human characters, that he might have an intellectual exchange of logical- Oh who was he kidding he'd do anything to serve Spaghetti to the Tramp

"Gwarsh!," came the cry again before Goofy fell, rather unceremoniously, from the reactor in a heap of chains, and safety deposit boxes, and piggy banks, and one metal plated Emperor chibi, "Steven Palpatine, tonight, gwarsh, you will, be um... gwarsh, um... visited by three spirits!" "Excuse me mon ami, but I believe you have arrived a trifle bit late to the party," Lumiere said as he hopped up. "I KNEW IT!," Vader squealed as Goofy stumbled across to them, he was more excited then a female teenager in line to get Taylor Lautner's autograph at a Twilight Convention. Sam stood staring at the reactor, "So help me, if the next person out of that reactor is Mickey, or Donald, then I might just die," he muttered as various Disney scenes flashed across the purple glow.

The Emperor was beginning to wonder what was going on, but the fact could not be changed and so he wandered over instead, "Ok, So why am I being haunted by three spirits? And who sent you? Was it the Supreme Beings? Did they send you with a box of Twinkies by any chance?," he said beginning to drool...maybe...a tiny bit. He might be a bit of a Twinkie addict...but he wasn't about to admit.

"You are being haunted... because the... Gwarsh! King thought you were a little to..." "Arrogant?" "Conceited?" "Mind-numbingly evil?" "Uh, well, uh... NO. Mean," Goofy said as Sam and Vader deflated at their suggestions being wrong, "And, um, well there's um, some Twinkies in the piggy bank." Vader's jaw dropped as he stooped down to look at the incredibly small piggy bank in question.

The Emperor shrugged, "Pfft, yeah I know, Oh well," he said completely devoid of any care for said subject, Sith Lords were mean, fact of life, but more importantly he was completely at a loss for any knowledge of the king, and therefore was stupidly apathetic on the mater. Meanwhile he was staring at this piggy back wondering how on earth he was going to get his beloved Twinkies out.

"Well Sam, break out the Twinkie Freeing Device," Vader said as a small note made out of three circles that kind of looked like Mickey Mouse's head floated down and he read it, "The King wants to see you." "As you wish," Sam said as he took out a large sledgehammer. "Thanks Sam," Vader said tossing the note to the Emperor.

The Emperor threw up his hands, "WAIT! You'll crush my Twinkies!," he cried diving to the ground and hugging the piggy bank protectively. He suddenly saw the note and read it. Shrugged, and stuffed it into the pocket of his robe figuring that he would deal with it later. OR not, depending on his mood. Of course he could have no idea of what was to come...well he could have used his force foresight I suppose, but the fact of the matter was he was not so secretly one of the laziest bums in the galaxy.

"Oh, of course, how could I have forgotten about the poor innocent Twinkies...," Vader said before a thunder clap sounded and another note floated down. "We will not harm the innocent, but should you do so, you might not wake up alive...," he read aloud as he tore the mallet from Sam's hands and tossed it into the dismal abyss of the reactor. "HOW DARE YOU SAM!," Vader exclaimed as Sam looked up at him deflated. "It's o.k. Sam, we'll just have to use another device to get to them." "And what of the King?," Lumiere asked as he inspected the piggy bank. "King Sming, he can wait, we have Twinkies to free from their porky captor," Vader said waving Lumiere off, "Don't worry Twinkies, we'll save you!"

The Chef came over with a tiny hammer, and wordlessly began inspecting the piggy bank. He turned it upside down, and looked at it front ways and back ways, and sideways, and slant ways, and any other ways you can think of, and then, tapped it with his tiny hammer, finally setting it on the ground and contenting himself to watch."Da' heck was that?," blurted the Emperor.

"Ssh," Vader said as he put a finger to his mouth and stared intently at the piggy bank as Goofy swayed back and forth on his overly large shoes. "But master!," Sam whined before a hand met his face and he tumbled backwards into Vader's toy red wagon. "Silence, I keel you!," Vader said as the piggy bank shattered suddenly and a pile of Twinkies up to his thigh poured out.

The Emperor stared...and also drooled, then shook his head, "...It's bigger on the inside? Hey it's sort of like that British sho-"Careful," interrupted the Chef, "that's one heck of a crossover...with lots of running…"The Emperor, perturbed at the thought of more running than he was even put through here, was soon preoccupied with engorging himself on the mound of Twinkies.

"Well, now that that minor episode is over, if the ghosts of Christmas would please depart to the land from which they came, we would like to present the festivities tonight," Vader said as the three ghosts disappeared into the reactor and he took his seat on a nice little throne beside his master's, "Hurry up master or you won't get a good seat!," he called as Stormtroopers filed into the room.

Palpatine rushed to his seat, excitedly clapping his hands, "Oh boy" he said like an excited child at a Bieber Chef skated by on his way to his own seat

With a snap of his fingers two cables flew down from the ceiling and lifted the red wagon up into his spot in the announcer's box. "Good evening folks, I'm Sam The P.A. Guy and this is the first annual Teal Star Escapades, we ask that all cellphones and... RING! RING! Vader? Why are you calling me on my cellphone? HANG UP! Click!" "Thank you and enjoy the show," he finished as the lights died.

The Emperor snuggled down into his seat and munched happily on some popcorn while the lights dimmed. When the entire room was dark, a single spotlight shown down and two troopers entered it, one in a Prince costume, and the other in a long blond wig and a pink dress. The "girl" began as the music started. "I know you. I walked with you, once upon a dream..."

Applause broke out as the spotlight went out and the sound of a prop being moved filled the air. "I can show you the world, shinning, shimmering, splendid, tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide...," sang a stormtrooper as the spotlight lit up a cut out of the Agrabah Palace and a magic carpet flew out from behind it with two stormtroopers on it.

Back on the other side of the rink another pair took the spotlight, sitting on a bench surrounded by some plastic flower bushes as a cutout of Cinderella's castle was illuminated in a soft pink. "So this is love, Mmm hmm… Mmm hmmm… SO this is love..."

"I can open your eyes. Take you wonder by wonder. Over, sideways and under,on a magic carpet ride. A whole new world. A new fantastic point of viewNo one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming...," sang the troopers on the carpet as it zipped around the throne room. The reactor glowed a soft pink and purple as it pulsed to the music. "I think we have a Code 34," said Vader.

The Emperor snuck a look from the rink quickly to his apprentice, "What's a code thirty four?"

Suddenly the music changed and the Chef leaped out into the rink, a team of cooks standing in ranks before him. "LETS get down to business, To cook, some buns"

"A cold thirty four is..." "AHHHHHHHH!," sang a stormtrooper in a loin cloth as he swung from vine to vine on a large tree, "Two worlds one family, trust your heart, let fate decide, to guide these, to guide these lives we see..." "A CODE THIRTY FOUR, IS A POTENTIAL TAMPERING OF THE REACTOR ALLOWING IT TO BECOME A PORTAL TO SOME OTHER DIMENSION!," Vader tried to yell over the din of the show.

The Emperor, poor old coot that he was, could only shout back, "Who got detention?"Two troopers in dog costumes trotted out into the rink as the chorus began to sing, "Oh this is the night. It's a beautiful night and they call it bella notte..."

"No, the I left the egg beaters in the KITCHEN!," Vader yelled back as columns were brought out and five stormtrooper statues were placed as another stormtrooper walked out in a purple dress, "If there's a prize for a rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that, no man is worth the aggravation. That's ancient history, been there done that." "Whod'ya think you kidding, he's the Earth and heaven to you, trying to keep hidden, honey we can see right through ya, girl you can't conceal it, we know how ya feel and who your thinking of..." "No chance, no way, I won't say it no, no..." "You swoon sigh, why deny it oh, oh." It's too cliché, I won't say I'm in love."

Suddenly all spotlights were on a stormtrooper in center rink, wearing a yellow jumpsuit and a coifed wig on his head. "Some people settle for the typical things,Livin' all their lives waiting in the wings...

"It ain't a question of 'if'', just a matter of time. Before I move to the front of the line. Once you're watching every move that I make, you gotta believe that I got what it takes," the yellow jumpsuit man sang before the lines attached to him made him fly up towards the ceiling, "To stand out," sparks exploded from the exhaust pipes below, "above the crowd. Even if I gotta shout out loud. Till mine is the only face you'll see. Gonna stand out... 'Til ya notice me." The man was then swirled around the room, high-fiving every trooper in the catwalk seating. "OMG! This is more exciting then meeting Elton John," Vader exclaimed before a pencil hit him in the head and he turned to see Elton whistling nonchalantly, "Sorry Elton."

Four more troopers in dog costumes skidded onto the scene with Billy Joel in their midst! "Why Should I worry? (Tell me) Why should I care…"The Emperor practically jumped out of his seat, "HOW did we afford him! And who cast this because I need to hug them!" He declared in the utmost seriousness.

"No, I can't play the accordion," Vader replied as a rock was rolled out with a stormtrooper in a fish tail and long red hair sitting on it. "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl... the girl who has... everything? Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonders can one cavern hold?..."

Troopers on all sizes came bolting out now in bear costumes, "Welcome to our Family time! Welcome to our Happy To Be Time!"The Emperor turned back to His Apprentice and shouted, "What about Door Ten? I thought they fixed that LAST week!"

"No, I'm not gonna turn the other cheek, I can't believe you wanted to end me!," Vader said as the bears were ushered off and two stormtroopers walked in wearing monster costume. "Put that thing back where it came from or so help me, so help me... and cut," the one dressed as a one eyed green monster sang as the big blue one beat-boxed behind him before they rushed off.

Two storm troopers rushed in in an ANCIENT spaceman costume, and a cowboy costume, arm in arm as they sang, "You got a friend in me! You got a friend in me! When the road looks, rough ahead and you're miles and miles from your nice warm bed…"Obviously not comprehending a word of Vader's message the Emperor simply shrugged it off.

Don't you shrug at me!," Vader yelled back as a blue fish swam across the stage followed by a clown fish. "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. WHAT DO WE DO, we swim, swim, swim," the blue fish sung as they swam off stage. Suddenly a bird flew out of the reactor, "SQUAWK!" "Well that's new," Vader said as he turned his attention back to center ice.

The Emperor tilted his head as the lights dimmed, "What was that?"Suddenly all was dark and still, and there was a sense of /What went wrong?/ in the air. Then from seemingly nowhere, a great orange light burst forth from the reactor as a voice sang out loud.

"Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba, Sithi uhm ingonyama, Nants ingonyama bagithi baba, Sithi uhhmm ingonyama. Ingonyama. Siyo Nqoba, Ingonyama, Ingonyama nengw' enamabala," chanted the voices as out of the main reactor rose a giant rock as animals of all varieties made their way out of the glow. "From the day we arrive on the planet, and blinking step into the sun. There's more to be seen, then can ever be seen. More to do then can ever be done. There's far too much to take in here, more to find, then can ever be found. But the sun rolling high, through the sapphire sky, keeps great and small on the endless round." Suddenly a baboon raised a lion cub up over the crowd of animal from high above the rock, "IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE, And it moves us all, through despair, and hope, through faith and love. Till we find our place. On the path unwinding. In the Circle, The Circle of Life," sang the voice as Elton John played on the piano

The Emperor turned to Vader with a look of half wonderment half bewilderment and half terror...did I mention he had excellent mathematic skills? "Vader...What did you say a code thirty four was again?"

"A-A-A c-c-code thir-thirty four, is a um, tampering with the reactor, causing a portal to be created into a new dimension," Vader stuttered as he watched the animals disappear back into the reactor and the rock slowly disappear. "Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red," sang voices as several rose bushes shot out of the reactor and landed before a group of cards walked out with paint cans, "We dare not stop, or waste a drop, so let the be spread! We're paint the roses red! We're painting the roses red!"

The Emperor blinked at the card men in wonder, "Whoaahhhh…" Suddenly a Chinese man flipped out of the reactor and, seeing the troopers and identifying them as soldiers pointed at them and shouted, "You men! Let's get down to business, to defeat… The Huns!" The Chef stared amazed. This was the real deal! And no matter how hard he ran his kitchen, this man made him look like a pillow.

"The seaweed is always greener, in somebody else's lake," sang a Jamaican voice as a clear barrier appeared around most of the rink and it filled with water and sea-creatures, "You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things surround you, what more are you waiting for?" Suddenly the singer, a small red crab, jumped p onto a rock and sang on, "UNDER THE SEA!" "Under the sea!" "Under The sea!" "Under the sea!" "Darling it's better, down where it's wetter. Take it from me. Up on the shore they work all day. Out in the sun they slave away. While we devotin' Full time to floatin'. Under the sea!"

The water quickly drained and there was silence for but a moment. Then there was the small noise of gentle chanting...it almost sounded like...monks. Suddenly there was a bright light and the sound of large bells and a large dramatic choir as a large church rose slowly out of the reactor. When the choir had slowly died away there came the soft noise of an accordion, (Evidently not from Vader) and a small cart appeared. Then a strange voice began, "Morning in Paris. The city awakes. To the bells of Notre Dame. The Fisherman fishes. The bakerman bakes. To the bells of Notre Dame. To the big bells as loud as the thunder. To the little bells soft as a Psalm. And some say the soul of the city's the toll of the bells." Again the bells sounded in the background, "The Bells of Notre Dame"

The church then disappeared back into the reactor as the cart was dragged back into the depths. "I know that your powers of retention, are as wet as a warthog's backside," sang a light brown lion with a black mane and a scar on his eye padded out of the reactor followed by hyenas and green geysers spurting from the ground, But thick as you are... PAY ATTENTION! My words are a matter of pride. It's clear from your vacant expressions the lights are not all on upstairs, but we're talking kings and successions. EVEN YOU, CAN'T BE CAUGHT UNAWARES! So prepare for the chance of a lifetime. Be prepared for sensational news. A shiny new era, is tiptoeing nearer..." "And where do we feature?" "Just listen to teacher. I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded when at last I am given my dues," sang the lion as he jumped up onto a rock, "And injustice deliciously squared. BE PREPARED!" Suddenly Vader broke out into applause, "I LIKE THIS GUY! Who is he? Is that TK-5692? I knew it, look at the quality of that mane..." "ROAR!" "Never mind."

When the hyenas went away a small puppet came out of the reactor, "I've got no strings and now I'm free. There ain't no strings on me!" Suddenly the same man who'd been singing before did a front flip out of the reactor with a marionette handle in his hand, "Yeah sorry about that kid."The Emperor tilted his head, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how did he get BACK!"

Presently he let go of the puppet and began rushing around and causing as much befuddlement and catastrophe as humanly possible. "Once a year we throw a party here in town! Once a year we turn the Teal Star upside down!" He rushed over and grabbed the Emperor and Vader, pulling them into the ring, "Every Man's the Emporer and he's a clown!" He strapped a clown hat roughly to the Emperor's head, "Once again we're at the Escapades!"

"CLOPIN!," a voice, much like, in fact nearly the same, minus the mechanical breathing, Vader's sounded from the reactor as a large lion stepped out, "What has the King told you about messing with the mortal's?" "WHY DO YOU HAVE MY VOICE? AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN MORTALS? AND WHY IS THERE BLUE TOUCAN ON MY SHOULDER?," Vader exclaimed as Zazu fluttered to the ground, in a heap, the product of Vader's frantic arm waving. "Sire? In the future, can you inform these Mongols the King is coming?," Zazu said to the lion as he pulled himself up. "Yes Zazu, I will tell him then," The Lion said as he stepped over the bird and looked up at the Emperor, "The King will be arriving shortly, he has very important business to discuss."

Copin's head dropped, "Oh Come now, I wasn't doing any harm! Just having a bit of fun that's all." The Emperor tilted his head and then looked to Vader, "Sweet animatronics huh?" Poor fool. He jumped back to his seat, knocking off his clown hat when he jumped in, looking at it strangely, then deciding to keep it. Clopin looked at the lion, "How does he still not get this?"

"He has chosen not to believe, we can not deny him the pleasures of believe we do not exist," Mufasa said as he stared at Vader, "The King will not be pleased with him when he arrives. Come Clopin, the others will want to join and we can't keep them waiting." He then turned and walked into the glow of the reactor. "I don't think they're animatronics," Vader said as he took his seat.

The Emperor looked at him skeptically, "Pffft! Please? How ELSE is it going to happen that A. It can talk. AND! B. It has YOUR voice?" He chuckled and turned back to the snorted and followed the lion casting a glance over his shoulder, "Just know this, you've been warned" he turned back to Mufassa and muttered under his breath, "What a bozzo."

The lion nodded as he disappeared followed by a large spire that shot out of the reactor with a mouse in a red sorcerer's robe and a blue sorcerer's hat atop it. Waving his hands the music started to play as brooms walked out of the reactor carrying buckets of water which they threw on the Emperor. Suddenly the janitor's closet door flew open and the items inside joined in the assault of the Emperor.

The Emperor cringed at the water, "HEY!" He turned angrily to his apprentice as they continued, "VADER!" The assault continued until some brash music began to play...music they'd heard MANY times before...

Suddenly a large table shot out of the reactor and landed before the spire as a candelabra jumped onto it and began to sing, "Be. Our. Guest. Be our guest, put our service to the test. Tie your napkin round your neck chere' and we provide the rest. Soup Du Jour, Hot hors d'oeuvres. Why, we only live to serve. Try the gray stuff, it's delicious, don't believe me ask the dishes. They can sing they can dance. After all miss this is France, and dinner is here is never second best. Go on unfold your menu, take a glance, and then you'll be our guest, oui our guest, be our guest..." "Thank you Lumiere," the mouse said as he jumped onto the table, waved his hands, and the brooms fell lifeless, "Emperor! I am King Mickey, I believe you were informed of my arrival?"

The Emperor however was not to be found in his chair. No, he was to be found crouched behind it and trying to pull his head as low over his face as it would stretch. He wasn't a fan of being wrong, and on such a scale it sort of... kind of terrified him. The Chef, Grabbed him by the scruff and dragged him out. "Looking for this?" Palpatine acted as though he were still behind the chair.

"Emperor! I have come from a world totally apart from yours to discuss the discovery of the reactor's powers," Mickey said as he tossed the hat aside and threw the robes away to reveal a black, double-zippered cloak. "THE KING!," Vader exclaimed as he bowed, "I gravel at your feet." "It's grovel, not gravel you dunce," Sam announced over the P.A. as troopers fled the room in terror.

Now that the Chef had the Emperor up. He was about to ask how come Vader never groveled at HIS feet, when a small note drifted down from the heavens, "Don't do it you idiot." The message having been received, he stood up, obviously not being able to ignore the problem any further, and tried to put on his most dignified face... the previous cowering sort of ruined the effect, but he tried nonetheless. "Greetings your Majesty," he said looking down at the mouse king, "What is this power of the reactor that you're talking about?"

"Greetings, sad pathetic man," Mickey said as Vader stood up, "The reactor has created a portal between your dimension and mine. For months now, a small rift had been formed through which Lumiere and Cogsworth came, but now your scientist has torn the threads that bind the rift and allowed us to pass freely through." "I knew that ignorant scientist had something to do with this," Vader exclaimed.

The Emperor tilted his head, oh THAT'S how freaky jester man got back...Someone needs to keep him on a leash or something...he thought for a moment /Barnabus would like him.../ The continued that train of thought and shuddered /Oh the destruction.../ The Emperor blinked and looked back to the Mouse King, "Alright... So... is this a good thing or a bad thing? ...It makes for one heck of an Ice show..."

"It is undetermined, what could happen. I came to request that the portal be left open, for the time being, until it's effects can truly be studied, I'll send my scientist tomorrow to experiment, until then, you have my good wishes," King Mickey replied. "Steven, the implications of this portal could stretch far beyond the Ice Show, they could aid Wilkins exponentially," Vader responded.

The Emperor nodded at the Wilkins comment, there was no denying that idea. He then nodded to the king, "Alright, but I have a few conditions. Firstly, I don't want people coming over here without your consent for their doings. Secondly, that loony we had in here earlier doesn't come in without a leash or a harness and a handler. Thirdly... can we come explore some of your worlds?," he said with a huge pleading grin…, "They err… they look kind of fun."

"You are more then welcome to a few of our worlds, but there are three that you may not enter," Mickey said as the spire disappeared behind him, "The World That Never Was, Halloweentown, and Port Royal, are too... wild as it is for you to go exploring. Other then that I agree to your conditions and offer you a visit to Disney Castle." The eyes of Vader's mask grew three times larger at the thought.

The Emperor jumped up and down, "Can we go right now!" The Chef was about to say that he wasn't sure that was a good idea, but at the sight of Vader's expression kept silent. "Oh wait a second, guys what about Fragglehorn?"

"! CRASH! BANG! THUD! BOOM!," screamed a... man in a Teal Star costume? as he shot out of the reactor and around the room before Vader stopped him and held him high above the reactor with the force. "When you wish, upon a Death Star, makes no difference where your from, your planet will explode, just like. A. Bomb!," the man inside the costume sang before Vader let him drop into the reactor with a, "Poof!"

The Emperor jumped nearly out of his ugly wrinkled skin. It was clear there was only one thing left to do. The chase was on. And so we leave our villains with a kinder side to their chase and as we sit back and enjoy our view The Supreme Beings have but one message for you. Wherever you are, and whatever you do, Merry Christmas to all and may the force be with you.

* * *

And so we end the Chaos On Deck: Christmas Special as well as Chaos On Deck, but not the story of these could-be heroes.

But I'm sure you still have questions like:

What will happen next?

Will there be more Disney allusions and cameos?

What has happened to Dr. Fragglehorn?

What about Barney and Wilkins?

Will the new story be awesome?

The answers to these questions and more will be found in "In Disney We Trust!" when it comes out soon...

In the meantime, rate, comment, review...


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